What is it about the dark that calls to me? Why do I feel so alive during the hours when virtually no one is around? While I was out on a morning walk/run, this was running through my head. I feel so at ease, safe and dare I say, happy.

I’ve always been drawn to the darker side of things. In this case, it’s a good thing, or at least it feels like a good thing. I walk along and gaze at shadows, lose myself in the stars that flow across the sky. At times when the moon is full and bright, it brings a new sensation to the darkness. A powerful glow that has an energy of its own. It teases you with a glimpse of what things might look like during the daytime hours but remains shadowed and mysterious.

I get excited when we have clear skies and the hour strikes that I roll out the door. My start of the day is always a bit slow. I don’t wake up quickly. When working on a day shift, I have to be in place by 6:30 a.m. My alarm goes off at 3:00 a.m., and I wander out to the living room to begin my rituals. This usually requires a beverage full of caffeine, a dog or two surrounding me, and perhaps some music in the background. Once I feel ready, I grab my chosen pair of shoes for the day and head for the door.

Once outside, it’s like magic! I come alive inside! I never fear for my safety and love to just wander and take everything in that the dark morning sky has to offer. It’s a strange bond, or relationship that I have with this darkness. We understand one another, something that I don’t often find in humans. I can just be and allow the darkness to swallow me up. It’s almost as if I’m walking through time.

I see nocturnal creatures such as skunks, racoons, and even a coyote at one point. We’re no threat to one another, and we all understand that. We’re sharing the darkness, each in our own way. I guess the best way to describe it is kind of a picture show, or movie. I can see everything, yet I’m just a visitor, a voyeur of life on the dark side of things.

I’ve felt this way for the better part of my life. I still carry the nickname “Zombie” to this day and for good reason. Don’t get me wrong, the sun can be wonderful and all, but the night sky, well it’s kind of special. As a young kid, I’d sneak out sometimes and wander the neighborhood with a friend or two. We’d go through neighborhoods, or ride bikes to another side of town, all under the cover of blackness. Even then I felt an attachment to the darkness. I’d talk about living in a world that was like this all of the time. That usually didn’t go over well with some of the guys, but I knew I was different, even then.

Through unsavory times in my life, I still found solace in the darkness. My world had become dark, both figuratively and literally. During this time, I found that others would use the darkness to their advantage. They didn’t respect it the way I did. I felt as though they were using what the darkness offered and exploiting its power. While I understood what was going on and why, inside I felt shame for not honoring the bond I forged.

Moving forward, I’ve answered the call of the darkness and as I stated, we have a bond once again. I will never allow anyone on my watch to take advantage of such a wonderful gift. I see the darkness for what it is: quiet, uplifting, mysterious and forever changing. I’ll hold fast everything that it shows me each day, and tell others, so that they too can see what my eyes see. All through the eyes of Zombie.

Thanks for reading

~Zombie~