Empathy Over Exclusivity: My Perspective

May 2, 2025 / Zombie / Leave a comment

I took some much needed vacation recently and headed West. The California coastline is a favorite for my wife and I. The seemingly endless beauty that the state has to offer is a calling to my restless soul. I found myself sleeping better, enjoying the many sights and sounds, along with dreaming of a way to stay there forever. Reality sets in when you wander the neighborhoods and see the fliers that are curbside with homes that are on the market. Millions of dollars just for the asking price and then you have to consider the inflated costs of maintaining said properties. It’s fair to say that this particular area of the West coast offers everything, but only to the chosen few that have the means to support such beauty.

Why is it that the most beautiful places on earth are only for the wealthiest? Don’t get me wrong, I find beauty in many of the areas that I frequent in my own part of the country, and I find ways to enjoy things with little to no cost to them. Keeping things “exclusive” is a way to keep others away. Those that might drive the fanciest cars, or wear the finest jewelry. People that use coupons and think through their routes based on how to conserve gas because of the rising cost. It seems that in this country there’s a price to pay for anything. I’ve always felt this way because I learned in my prior life that “Nothing in this world is free.”

While planning this trip, I decided at the last minute to upgrade our flights to first class. This was the second time in my entire life that I went the extra mile and paid more for a ticket to fly. Why you ask? Because I wanted to see how the “others” live. I wanted to experience having just two seats side by side with easy reclining to them, rather than three jammed tightly together and my knees bruised by the end of a flight because the person in front of me decided to recline. I wanted to experience the extras that are given to those who can afford to pay for them. The extra service, food, and luxury. Having my bags fly and tagged as “priority”, with no extra costs. (although it’s included in your ticket cost) Being guided to the front of the line when entering the plane and looked upon as if royalty. While on one hand it was an amazing experience, I couldn’t help but think, “I don’t belong here.” I’m just an average human that struggles like everyone else to get through life. It’s not because I don’t work hard, nor is it because I’m lazy. Some parts of this world are just roped off to the chosen few. I’ll explain further.

We visited a cute little town in the upper part of Michigan. One of the things that my wife and I like to do is walk about and see what the town looks like. I like to explore areas that have unique architecture and take notice of old world neighborhoods. In this particular town, we wandered into an area that had a gate of sorts. It wasn’t blocking you from coming in, but it was stated clearly by signs everywhere that not everyone was welcome. There were even signs telling you to stay on sidewalks and don’t venture anywhere else. We decided to walk through the area because you could see from a distance that the homes were spectacular and unique. As we walked through the area, you could feel the prying eyes watching your every move. You knew that you were an “outsider” and not welcomed. The perfect lawns, sculptured hedges and multiple high end vehicles in the drives were setting the tone of who could be there. The area, while beautiful became ugly in my mind just because of the feel that it had. The true ugliness that it carried on it’s perfect streets. We moved on after just a short stroll through.

This is something that I’ve experienced throughout my life. A poor kid that grew up shopping at the local A&P store, mixing up powdered milk when there wasn’t enough regular milk to get by on. A kid that found his way into the underworld, guided by people that promised a better life, food to eat, power through threats, and strength through intimidation. When I tried my best to get away from this life, I found that the world was still not very welcoming. I was judged by my zip code, by the school that I went to, and the lack of the best clothing. I made it a personal fight to prove those that would hold me back that I was just as good as them, perhaps better. Nothing had ever been handed to me, I struggled for everything. I appreciated any small amount of money that I could squirrel away. I toiled over second rate vehicles time and time again so that they shined like new money. Again, I appreciated everything.

I’m not saying all of this because I hate anyone that was born into a world of privilege. It’s not their fault that they were given things that I could only dream about as a kid. What I take issue with is that as they grow, they don’t notice those that do have to struggle. They’re comfortable sitting in that first class seat and looking down at the others that have to shuffle by and squeezed together in discomfort. I find fault in people raising these children to become adults that are good with glaring at others they feel don’t belong in their neighborhood, or gating them out so that they can’t share the beauty of their town. The beauty of this world was meant to be shared, it’s not just for the chosen few. I take some comfort in knowing that while many of these families might have everything beautiful around them in a physical sense, they don’t have what the rest of us hold onto dearly. We have empathy. We see others in this world and want to share the beauty and joy that it offers. We strive to bring others up that struggle rather than walking past them in some kind of ignorant bliss.

First class might offer more room, a better meal and standing at the front of the line, but the journey was still the same. I still would’ve made it to my destination, I’m good with bringing my own snacks. I don’t mind being with my people. We are many. The kid that always felt like he belonged on the outside of the beautiful has found a way in. It was a struggle, it was a learning experience, and it was hard, but I appreciate all of it that much more. There was a time that I felt like I’d sold my soul to stay alive, yet I persevered. I’m good with using coupons and not having the best of everything. I’ve become comfortable in my own skin. While it makes me sad that there are still so many parts of the world that are held out of reach to myself and others, I don’t feel that I’m lacking. I loved my trip, my vacation, my time with my bride. I enjoyed our experiences, our sights, and our memories. When all is said and done, I think that I’m the richest one. There is no holding me back, no roping me off, I’ll find beauty wherever I may roam.

Thank you so much for following along on my journey.

~Robert~

From Isolation to Connection

April 5, 2025April 5, 2025 / Zombie / Leave a comment

After numerous conversations with folks, I wanted to take a minute and go back through why I blog and why I’m writing a book about my life. I also want to touch on what I want or expect from all of this. Let me say first off that I want nothing from you folks. I don’t ask for money, or sympathy. I’m just looking for people who want to know my story and possibly relate to others that may have gone through or are going through some kind of shit. I know how isolating that feels, so if I can write something that touches another human to help them find a way to freedom, that’s really all that I’m looking to do.

“I write for myself.” That’s a statement that I’ve made many times on my blog. I do it to set demons free that reside inside my head. It’s a way of me cleansing things that have made me feel dirty for far too long and I’ve found that it’s good for me. I love the platform of a blog because anyone who feels the desire to read what I put out can do so with no expectations. If what I write touches you, that’s a bonus to what I do. If I can help someone, even better. Just the idea that I’m sitting down and writing about things that have been stuck inside of me for so long is serious progress for me. I never wanted to tell my story or say things about my life to others. Some of that story has been on the outside of the law, so I’ve always worried about that portion. I’ve also worried about people with whom I’ve dealt in my past coming back to haunt me in some fashion. That threat remains to this day. I believe that most are gone now, so there’s a level of comfort in that, but you just never know who knows who, or who is related to someone who might take a shine to things I talk about. This is the main reason that I keep things vague at times. I won’t share places, or persons with anyone outside of my counselor’s office. It’s just not smart.

I’ve had people reach out and say that they feel sorry for me because of what I’ve been through or offer some form of sympathy. I appreciate the gesture, but I want you to know that the choices that I made were my own. While I was a juvenile, and assisted down a path of destruction, there were points where I probably could have escaped, but didn’t. I too got caught up in the idea of money and power. People who have nothing are easy targets for those who would exploit them. I own everything that I’ve done. I also own the person that I became from all of this. What I never wanted to do was be held responsible for my feelings. I didn’t realize early on that all of this would come to the surface later in my life and torture me through nightmares and erratic behavior. If anything, I ask that you all celebrate that I reached out to a professional to get the help that I needed to make things right. That’s what started the whole turnaround. If I hadn’t done that, I’d still be sitting in silence, and the wounds would never have begun healing.

A co-worker told me that after reading one of my blog entries, she understood that I wasn’t looking for sympathy but stated that the next time she saw me she was going to hug me whether I wanted it or not. I will tell you now that hugs are always welcome. They can change a person’s day for sure, so hug away! That’s a thing that I had to learn to be alright with. Spending time with people in Al-anon helped me to get past my issues with people touching me or being too close to me. I’ve learned to be alright with hugs but still have serious issues with people being too close to me. If I don’t know you, you don’t want to get in my “zone.” I have a certain amount of space that I need in order to be able to breath and conduct my business. If you get into that area, I’ll probably give warning quickly. This too is part of growing up the way that I did. People in close proximity are considered to be a threat and threats need to be neutralized.

I’m still learning to be alright with my darker side. Understanding that it’s a part of me that will never go away is important. Being able to control it is necessary. While it’s served me well and made me into a strong and vigilant human, it needs to remain the quieter side of me. I’m working on seeing light and finding happiness in my world. Even in these times of confusion and chaos, I want to believe that there is better in the world. Chatting with others, sharing my story, and listening to those who have been through challenging times is helpful. I never want to feel alone again. If there’s one thing that I’m sure of, I will never isolate myself the way I did for the first part of my life. I will always speak my truth and find a way forward.

So, if you happen to see me around, feel free to speak with me and don’t shy away from any of the topics that I talk about on here. I’ve gotten pretty good at being open about everything. If any of the discussions make you feel sad for me, just know that I’m in a much better place now. No sympathy is required, in fact I’d prefer that we discuss things and keep it on the positive. I survived and I’m here to talk about it today. That’s worth celebrating, and if celebrating means hugs, I’m all in!

Thank you so much for following along.

~Robert~

Writing and Reflection

March 26, 2025March 26, 2025 / Zombie / Leave a comment

I’ve been sitting here working on my book this evening. Decided it was that time…time to hop over to the blog and shake the bad feelings out. I’m torn with my book. I love writing it because I’m getting things out and processing them as I go. The problem is that some of the things that I’m processing aren’t going so smoothly. There were a couple events that I just typed out that are still just kind of festering. I’m struggling a bit with sleep, at least good solid sleep. Strange nightmares and feelings of regret. I told my sister that I’m looking forward to getting through the worst of the stuff, so that I can start writing about the rest of my life and finding my way out. It makes my typing that much quicker and focused. I want to just dump all of this out of my head and onto the computer. I’ve reached out to my counselor, as she stated after our last session that she’s only just a call away. I know when it’s time, and it’s time. I also see the opportunity to further my disclosure to her. As I’ve stated in other blogs, she knows more about me than pretty much anyone on this planet. She won’t judge me, and will help me to find a way through, which is what I always desire. Just simply a way through.

The other area of struggle is being seen, or heard. This is a common theme in my blogs because of having to be silent for so much of my life. I was made to hide away everything, and in doing so, you become kind of a gray man. You just blend into the backdrop. It was required earlier in life, not anymore. So, when I have these moments where I don’t feel that I’m seen, or heard, I panic. It fuels agitation and negative thoughts. Being dismissed by another is one of the worst things that I can ever experience. It makes me want to just scream, “look at me when I’m talking!” As you can imagine, there are many in the world today that can easily just look right through you. At the store, restaurant, work, doctor’s office, pretty much anywhere. People that engage solely with their cellphones also get directly under my skin. I think how hard I’ve had to work to be able to climb out of my shell, only to find that so many out there want to crawl back into a shell. I’ll never understand. There’s no great happiness in being so secluded.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

The book is coming along quickly. I’m still feeling good about having it completed before the end of the year. I’ll reach out to some that are part of my past to see if they’d be comfortable with me using their given name, or if they’d want it to be switched. I’m writing it with the given names because it’s much easier for me to just let things pour out with the people that were a part of my life and then go back later and switch names. It’s kind of surreal reading back through all of it. I was just telling one of my co-workers the other night that I feel as though I’ve live a thousand lifetimes. They all feel like they’re broken down into sections. The things that have felt distant are now back in my face again. Intense.

One of the happy parts that I was writing about was my high school typing teacher. I wrote a pretty good section about her and so wish that I’d gone back to tell her how much she helped to shape my life for the better. There have been moments, and people in my life that I feel were placed there to guide me in a better direction. A road block of sorts. When I was at my most destructive and could’ve easily fallen deeper into the underworld, someone or something got in the way. In this case, it was a teacher that saw something in me. She took the time to see me, to hear me, to nurture my skills. One of the discussions that we had, I swear she knew everything about me. She was desperately trying to guide me away from the darkness. She made me believe in myself and that there could be a better life for me, I just needed to focus on it. Again, she arrived at the perfect time and made a change in me that altered the course of my life. Teachers are a gift. They have the ability to find people that have been lost in life. I’m not going to say that she made everything perfect, but she gave me a chance. She gave me what I needed at that particular time in my life. Had I not encountered her, and had she not noticed me, things could’ve been very different now. My ability to sit here and type this blog out is because of her. My ability to be writing this book are thanks in part to her. I’m grateful for having her in my life.

You know that I like to wrap things up in some kind of positive fashion, so just remember that I do see and hear you folks when you speak to me. I enjoy the many conversations that I’ve shared with so many now. I’m grateful that people seek my wisdom from a life lived. This is how I think humans should be. We need one another whether we want to believe it or not. I might have a bad day at work and say that I hate people, but really inside, I don’t. I’m not saying they’re all good for me, but they might be for someone. I take my wife’s advice and try to remember that there’s good in all of us.

Thanks for following along

~Robert~

The Emotional Process of Writing a Book

March 3, 2025March 3, 2025 / Zombie / 1 Comment

The challenges of writing a book are a real thing. My issues stem more from the inability to get through sections because of the content. I’ve said before that it’s all stored and just waiting to come out and onto my computer. I sit down, turn on some music and start typing. I recently typed up portions that had to do with events that are just disturbing. Telling this part of the story gave me all kinds of bad feelings. I didn’t like myself for being a witness to things that I never wanted to see. Writing it out was a positive, but then re-reading it made it very real…again. I looked over the words and wondered, who the fuck was I?! It’s these moments that make me have to step away and get my head straight again.

I’m grateful that I have a support system in place, so that when this does happen, I can reach out and look for clarity. While I understand that it was a long time ago, and that I was a young tween/teen at the time, I can’t help but gravitate towards those negative human emotions. I contacted my sister and went for a walk after typing up this latest portion of my memoir. I was catching her up on what I was working on. We discussed one of the situations in particular that had me still feeling sick. I explained the whole event and how I’d left it open to interpretation. I couldn’t help but break into tears as we walked. It was like this tidal wave of horror that just washed over me. I felt like I was trapped in a dark storm. My sister was very gracious and kept reminding me that I was just a kid, that I was surviving, and that I needed to let this go. The actions of others were not my doing, and in fact I was being intimidated by these individuals for a reason…control.

I love that I have this outlet to clear my head. I do love writing and telling this story. I knew going into it that it would be painful, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much pain it would bring about. This book is important to me. I’m hopeful that once it’s all out that I’ll feel some kind of relief; a closure of sorts. The idea is to be able to come to terms with all of it – everything. The other challenge with writing is my constant view of everything that went on and how many times I put myself in a bad position. I think of the legal ramifications with everything I type. There was a passage that I was writing and I made the statement “this is when I committed my first felony.” The gravity of that statement sat heavy with me. With each paragraph I type I look back at it and can just sit there and point out all of the different things that are illegal. It’s like throwing a dart at a board and hitting a bullseye every time.

I have to keep telling myself that I’m not that person anymore. While he still resides inside of me, I’ve grown, I’ve changed, and I seek to be a better human. While I feel an urgency to type everything out as quickly as possible, my body and mind won’t allow that to happen. A good friend reminded me that “the timeline is my own.” I’m holding on to those words with a tight grip. This is my story and I can do it in a manner that I feel good with. A manner that allows me time to find healing as I pore over the pieces/parts of my life that I’ve tried so hard to wish away. I’ve tried to set the stage so that people reading it will understand how I got to be in such a compromising position. If I didn’t try to explain that, I could see people reading the horrible parts and wondering how I could be that way, or how could I get involved with people like this? It was a slow and methodical approach, taken by someone who was just really good at their craft. You’ll also start to understand that being in a home that left me open and vulnerable played a part in it. If you’ve kept up with my blogs, then what I’m saying here came through in many of my recent blog postings. “What would you do to survive?” I blogged about that and asked others to look inside themselves and ask that very question.

My plan with this memoir is to lay out how I got into the position of working for an underworld person, then as I go, give reflection on each of the events as I spell them out with the clarity that I have today. The later part of the book will be focused on life after getting free of this ugly phase. The damage that it caused that was long lasting, the struggle to find myself and a reason to keep moving forward. Through all of this, I just can’t say enough times that I’m so happy that I’ve made it this far. How I’m happy to finally be able to speak to people openly and not have to worry about my past creeping up and pulling me under. “Silence and Secrets” was another blog post that comes to mind. I lived that for so much of my life. Always wondering if I’d take everything to the grave with me. The fear I had of speaking things out loud for fear of reprisal, fear of harm, and fear of losing those that I love.

I’ve asked my sister Patti to do artwork for the cover of this book. We’ve started a dialogue on what we think would best fit. I recently thought of Dante’s Inferno and the 9 levels of hell. Some of the images that I surfed through struck me. So powerful and so relatable. Climbing out of hell, or all the different levels of hell were something that I understood. I’ll keep you updated on this as we progress. My sister has serious skills and I know that whatever she comes up with will be amazing. (No pressure Patti)

My internal goal is to get this book completed before year’s end. Expect more blogging as well because this is a good dumping ground for all of my stirred up feelings. Consider yourselves warned…lol! I want to thank the following for getting me through this past week:

My sister Leanna – for all the mental support

My sister Patti – for having vision and talent with art…I look forward to the book cover art

My wife Karla – for being a great editor…even when she didn’t want to be.

My friend – Amy DeVincent for keeping me centered.

I’ll continue to thank all of you that keep reading and following my journey. The idea that there are people out there that care enough to read the stories of this mixed up human amaze me daily. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Until we meet again…

~Robert~

Music Activates The Soul

February 19, 2025February 19, 2025 / Zombie / Leave a comment

I had to step away from writing the book and switch to something that would ground me again. A feel good of sorts, so I’m back on my blog doing what I do. Music, sweet music! The entire time that I’m writing, be it on here doing my blogging, or writing pages in the book, music is a must in the background. I’ve even made reference in the book to how I learned to slip away in my music at times when I was feeling trapped or alone. Being that there was so much that I had to carry silently, it was a great escape for me. Soothing voices, happy tunes, or just grinding riffs from heavy metal music, they were all a huge part of my life. I think that I had a closer relationship with music than I did with any human for a good portion of my life.

I’m certain that if I asked any of you right now to tell me some of your favorite songs, you could then equate them to a moment in time that was relevant in your life. Music and lyrics are so powerful! It has always made me wonder if I was in sync with some of these bands, or singers through different stages of my life. When so many other things weren’t making sense, music always did. When you needed something to pick you up, music was there. If you needed to rage with anger, yeah, music was there for that as well. There is music for every single human emotion, and I’m here for it!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This particular section of the book that I was just working on went through a time when I’d realized just how screwed I was. How trapped, unable to tell anyone anything. It was that first night that I went home and lost myself in music. It changed the relationship that I had with music forever. I would now look to music to pull me through so many dark times. Does it sound extreme? Perhaps, but for those that have gone through shit in their life, I’m thinking they can relate, and I can’t be the only one on the planet that has delved deep into music to either find yourself, or lose yourself. The power of music can take you anywhere you want to be transported.

Certain songs can immediately give me the exact feelings of whatever was happening when I was first listening to it. There is music that both of my parents listened to that I truly enjoyed. I still listen to some of the music that they played either in their vehicles or around the house. My mother’s tastes were surprising at times and I loved to play some of the latest songs by artists that she enjoyed. Music is a good way to connect to others. I formed an excellent relationship with my son because of our love for music. We still discuss or shoot different songs back and forth that are on our play lists or something that just came out. Same with my sisters. I was having a discussion today with Leanna about the band Alice In Chains. I discussed the sad history of the lead singer and how he’d lost his life to drugs. Yet the band has survived all of it and went on with another singer to sound amazingly the same. Makes me wonder where they could have gone had drugs not wrecked his life. Same thing goes for so many singers that I enjoy. It may shock some of you but I’ve been a George Michael fan for many years. His lyrics are much deeper than most would know. His pop days with Wham were hit and miss, but as he aged, the lyrics spoke to me in numerous songs. The hidden gem of a CD by him is called “OLDER.” Listen to the song “Strangest Thing” and give me your thoughts. It has a haunting melody to it and the lyrics are heavy. His entire album “Listen without Prejudice” is also a work of art. He was a tortured soul throughout his adult life, and it spilled over into his music.

I’ve made references to the band 10 years on here before. There are several songs that they wrote that just reached right inside of me. I felt that I was asked to describe my feelings and they were turned into music. Just amazing! The songs “Fix Me” and “Waking up the Ghosts” are spot fucking on! Here’s another one…the band is Papa Roach and the song is “Leave a light on.” That one hits hard. Have you ever had a moment when you listened to a song and found yourself getting emotional? Perhaps tears? Yeah, stop and think about that. Someone writes and then performs a song that touches you with so much power that you begin to lose control. I’m in awe over that kind of talent.

This is why they use so much music in movies. While we can all agree that we have our favorite actors and actresses, then of course there are great scripts or producers, but they’re all enhanced by the sound of music. Musical scores are also one of my favorite things to listen to. The movie “Dances with Wolves” has an amazing soundtrack from start to finish! Here’s a spin on a classic by Led Zeppelin. “The Immigrant Song” was redone by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for the opening of the movie “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” I could go on and on about music and songs that speak to me. Why not take a moment and just throw a headset on and lose yourself in something that speaks to your soul.

I’ll be hopping on here a little more frequently to take breaks from my book writing. The topics will of course be all over the place, because that’s where I seem to be when I’m writing. At this point though, that’s a good thing. Things are coming out, which is the most important part of the process. Seeing some of it in print is strange. It’s satisfying yet terrifying all at the same time. I have moments where I can almost feel the “characters” again, and that creeps me out. Better days are ahead, I just know it.

Thanks for following along on this journey.

~Robert~

Embracing Life: Finding Joy Amidst Mortality

January 3, 2025 / Zombie / Leave a comment

Big topic today. This has been rolling around in my head a bunch. I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to approach it because I have views that not everyone will be comfortable with. The topic is death. Well, life and death. The approach that we take to things during our life and what influence it might have is a part of this. The end result is the same for all of us, we will die one day. What happens after that is open to much interpretation. I’ll do my best to get this to all make sense…so, hang on.

We roll through our lives at such a high rate of speed at times that it’s almost overwhelming. I do my best to slow things down and really take in all of the subtleties. That wasn’t always the case. I think we can all agree that when we’re younger, our focus is not so much on how long we’ll live, but how much fun we can cram into the shortest amount of time. The other side of that is that as we age, we find that we appreciate everything much more, including time, and our health. There needs to be a balance there of sorts. We need to stay young in our thinking so that we continue to try to do the things that make us happy. As adults, we tend to get caught up in the whole rat race and fall into ruts. Going through the motions of waking up, working, going to sleep…rinse and repeat. LOL! Now I know that things do go on in between that, but how much? What things are you still trying to do that make you truly happy inside?

I’ve always felt that work is nothing more than a means to an end. It provides me money so that I can pay my bills, eat and survive, so it’s kind of important. There was a point in my life when I was searching for some kind of “career”, and doing what I could to climb the company ladder. I found that it gave me no real satisfaction, in fact, it probably caused even more unwanted stress in my life. Trying to find the “it” that your boss was looking for. Adjusting your life to the ever changing whim of an employer is just exhausting. Do yourself a favor, do the job that is expected of you so that you can collect the check that you need, and nothing more. If you leave, or die tomorrow, the employer won’t give a rat’s rump. You’ll just be replaced by some other soul and the game will continue. I’ve always been willing to do what is required of me and I do it to the best of my abilities each and every day. That should thrill any employer on the planet. I show up, work hard, and I leave. I don’t create drama, I just get things done.

When I was younger, things looked different to me. I wasn’t sure that I’d make it past the age of 30 and that was actually a number a little higher than what I was really thinking. I didn’t enjoy my life that much and was always searching for “something.” Mostly a way out of the life that I’d fallen into. It was during those years that I was focused on surviving, yet had no fear of dying. I mean really, when you reach a certain point, dying is much easier than surviving. It takes a lot of work to survive in this world and you have to be willing to go through the struggles to make it. I had some friends, had a girlfriend or two back then, but nothing substantial. I was going through the motions and surviving. The change was coming though.

Being an adult and finding my way in the world became interesting. My desire to be a better person happened overnight and made a profound change in how I viewed the world. I always hope that others find a similar path, or at least some kind of path to change for the better. Being trapped in darkness is no way to go through this world. Once I’d parted ways with some of the folks from earlier on, I took steps to do things the right way. Once I discovered running, oh man! Everything changed for me. It was like someone had turned on a light! I’m quite certain that I’ve said it enough times to make everyone crazy by now. Running was the one thing that truly saved my life. Does that happen for everyone that takes it up? I don’t know. I do know that I’ve met some interesting people along the way who had stated that running had performed some kind of miracle for them as well. Some walked away from drinking, others quit using recreational drugs. Some had found a way out of an abusive relationship. Running has done many things for many people throughout my life thus far. “Running never takes more than it gives.” For real…

When out running, or walking, I’ve learned to really take things in. As I’ve stated before, I’m very much a voyeur in this world and running opened my eyes to things that were so moving, and profound, it could move you to tears. Sunrises and sunsets are always a favorite. Flocks of birds flying in unison can be remarkable. The sounds of the seasons…be it ever changing, each season has its own sounds and smells that must be taken in. These are the things that remind me of what an amazing planet I live on and how wonderful it is to be alive. I find every mile that I spend out on the road to be beneficial in some manner. I can leave all of my troubles or worries out there, and trade them for something better. It’s a gift to be able to run, or walk for hours. I look forward to every single time I walk out the door. Wondering what life has to show me today.

Now that I’ve thrown all of that out there. There’s a part of me that wonders how much time I have left. Is this mid-life crisis coming on? I’ve just had these feeling that I need to see and do so much, like it’s all coming to an end. I’ve not been diagnosed with some awful disease that’s prompted this, I just suddenly decided that it was time to really focus on all of the small things. Once I started having these feelings, I began reading articles that talked about the end of life. The most talked about thing that people said towards the end was “they wished they had more time.” I don’t even know how much time I have left at this point, but I feel that way already. Knowing that I still have to work to continue to support my existence makes me feel like it’s time wasted. I’ve worked hard on changing my perspective on this and trying to enjoy my job more. Not so much the job, but more the people that work by my side. I’m working harder on forming bonds with them – not something that’s been my strongest attribute. I’ve decided that if I have to be in the place, I need to make it a better place to be in. An extended home if you will. Don’t ever do the math on how much of your life you’ve spent or are spending at work, it’s depressing…lol! Yeah, I did that.

Along with these feelings about my end of life, I wonder what impression I’ve made, if any on others. I keep a pretty small circle around me, so it makes me wonder what, if anything will be remembered about me. When I leave this earth, will anything that I wrote touch someone after I’m gone? Will the conversations that I’ve shared stay in someone’s memory until they to leave this earth? I know it’s heavy stuff, but you really can’t manage how and when things are going to pop into your head. Here’s a hard one to explain. I’ve always felt that we truly walk this earth alone. I think at this point that was brought about by the damage that I suffered earlier in my life. Keeping so much of myself silent and hidden continues to bleed into so much of my thinking. I want to break that feeling and cherish all of the small things. If I’m at work, I want to have good, meaningful conversations with my co-workers. I’d like to perhaps leave my mark on them, so that when they no longer have me around, they’ll speak kindly of me and perhaps share a story of my silliness. I want this with my family as well. We’ve spent so many years fractured, that I want to make the best of whatever’s left. I think I can get there.

Reason, Season and Lifetime. This is a poem that for many years I had on the front of my refrigerator. It has to do with the different ways that people come in and then go out of your life. It gives perspective, and reassurance that they don’t always leave your life because of something you did. They simply served the purpose that they were meant to. I’ll drop it on here:

People come into your life for a reason,
A season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will
Know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a
REASON, it is usually to meet a
Need you have expressed. They have come to
assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you
physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to
be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part or at and inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they
act up and force you to take a stand. What
we must realize is that our need has been
met, our desire fulfilled, their wake is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a
SEASON, because your turn has come to
share, grow or learn. They bring you an
experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable
amount of joy. Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and
put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is
blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

I feel that this poem helps me to understand many of the relationships that I’ve had over the years. It also gives me vision for how some of them might end in the future. There are so many things that I still don’t understand. The only thing that I’m sure of at this time is that I want to live the rest of my life to the fullest. The loss of my mother was a changing point in my life as well. She lived with so much regret about her own life that it made me sad for her. My father was much the same. He chose to push away so many who were close to him that when he became immobile, he was bitter at the world, and felt that no one was left to care about him. Watching them in their final stages of life gave me pause. I needed to change directions so that I wouldn’t have the same fate or feelings. Death will certainly find us all, but we can do our best to dance and sing until it arrives. Be joyful in our own skin, and walk each day as though it really matters…because it does.

In closing I’ll just say this. Nothing is more important than your happiness. Find what it is that truly makes you happy and go do it. Talk, laugh and sing with those that you surround yourself with as often as you can. If you must sit at work, than do everything you can to make it more enjoyable for yourself. It might even carry over into others. Who knew that work could be a fun place to be? When death comes for me, I want to smile at it, and say it’s alright now, I’ve done everything that I came here to do.

I’ll see you on the other side…

~Robert~

The depth of human emotions through the eyes

November 19, 2024November 21, 2024 / Zombie / Leave a comment

What is it that lies behind the eyes? A glimmer of hope, a dark secret, a faded memory, or just nothingness? I pay very close attention to people’s eyes because I feel that they speak even when a person is silent. Genesis 3:5 states, “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” That’s powerful right there… knowing good and evil. William Shakespeare wrote; “The eyes are the window to the soul.” If you search around the internet, you’ll find all different variations of this saying, as well as different perspectives on what it actually means. I believe that the eyes are the doorway to all things. Our senses are powerful and can draw things back from deep within our bodies. What we see can make changes within one’s self that can be life altering.

“The eyes have it.” Yes, they truly do have… “it”. Again, I pay close attention to eyes so that I can get a better read on a person. I’ve spoken in past blogs how I can look at a person’s eyes and tell when they’ve seen death. It leaves a mark on the soul, and then reflects through the eyes. While I have serious trust issues, there are some people who, when I look at their eyes, can cause me to become more open to speaking with them, and with time, perhaps even sharing more of myself with them. Is it scientific, no. Is it perfect, again no, but it’s something that has served me well over my years on this earth.

There are some who have not only seen death, but caused it to come about in some fashion. Whether it was lawful or not has no bearing on how the eyes are affected. Traumatic events cause a stain of sorts, damage that doesn’t easily wipe away. Police officers and soldiers are the first people who come to mind. They can be caught up in a life or death situation all too easily and then become a witness to an event that may alter their lives forever. The eyes bear witness to more than what the soul can handle, that’s where things get messy.

There are also those who take pleasure in serving death. Their eyes have an entirely different look and feel. Yes, I said feel. If you come across a person who has the eyes of a killer, you’ll not only know it, but you’ll feel something. Some call it a sixth sense, or hair on the back of the neck standing up. This is when you know you’re in the presence of evil. A devil on earth. I’ve seen those eyes, and felt the weight of them. It’s not something I share lightly. I work daily to erase the vision.

When a child is born, the look that they have is something that is impossible to forget. The softness, warmth and love that you feel when looking at their eyes. Even as they grow, they have this look of innocence. Something that I wish they could hold onto for their entire life. Untainted by the world, full of curiosity and bewilderment, as if to say “who am I and how did I get here?” Treasure that look, do whatever you can to nurture it along.

I’ve seen a similar, yet different look in the elderly. They have that same childlike softness, but also a look that says “I’ve seen so much.” I’d like to think that I’ll have that look as I age. I’ve seen so much already, and I will say that not all has been bad. I’ve shared my love for the world and all the many things in it. From the dark, calm morning walks, the fuzzy creatures that scurry about, to climbing beautiful mountainsides. I’ve done my best to erase the things that have caused friction inside of me and blurred my spirit. I want to see more of the good, so that one day, all of the bad will just fade away. My eyes will tell you the story, you just need to listen to them. You can see the pain at times, but there’s also that glimmer that I wish to hold in place. The childlike softness that longs to thrive.

Photo by Baishnavi Bharati on Pexels.com

What is it that you see when you look at someone’s eyes? Take the time to examine carefully as not everyone likes to maintain eye contact. Use those senses within you and see what others have to offer. Look for the gentleness that resides in some. Steer clear of the darkness that resides in others, you’ll know who they are. The devil is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the deceiver of nations (Revelation 20:3, 8). He “disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14) While I’m not the most faith-driven person, I’ve always felt that the devil, or devils are unable to completely conceal themselves here on earth. You have to take notice of things that don’t fit. Use your senses, use your eyes and find the darkness that could bring you harm. Here’s more food for thought. And although Satan is not afraid of us, he is terrified of the one within us. And our protector never sleeps nor slumbers (Psalm 121:3–4) I’ve always believed in myself. I’ve learned to be sharp and pay attention, almost to the point of causing physical pain. I’m forever on the lookout for the devils and ever hopeful for the soft eyes of an angel.

Photo by Kris Mu00f8klebust on Pexels.com

As I step away today, let me share this. My eyes have seen much, and while I have some regrets for the things that I’ve seen, I also have hope that my vision of the world has become brighter. If you find me looking into your eyes, don’t be frightened, I’m a study of humans and mean no harm. If you’re reading this blog, then you probably already know that.

Thank you for stopping by and reading.

~Robert~

Employee vs Employer: Finding Balance and Valuing Work

September 12, 2024September 29, 2024 / Zombie / Leave a comment

Employer vs Employee. We’ll do a deep dive and examine things.

Work. Most of us go to work each day with either a sense of purpose or as a means to an end. What drives you inside? Is it your own desire, or is it because your employer places expectation on you? Do you feel valued at work? All questions that I’m sure we’ve pondered at some point. Let’s look into it through the eyes of Zombie.

I’ll reflect back to my upbringing and tell you that I had a Father who was very motivated. He believed in working as hard as possible each and every day. He would regularly tell me how I needed to act at work, that I should make myself as valuable to the employer as possible, and do as you’re told. My Father hopped around when it came to jobs. I think he was always restless as well, but wasn’t sure how to deal with that. Even though he’d always told me to be very dedicated to my employer, he didn’t seem to live by that mantra. He was easily upset by bosses and didn’t like having someone telling him what to do. He had great skills in the automotive industries, so finding other work seemed to happen fairly easily. He never made a lot, but he had work.

After moving about to different dealerships, he decided that it was time to break out on his own, and opened his own body shop. He had the gift of gab and knew many in the industry. This helped to get his start-up moving and then it started to take off. I’d love to tell you that everything went great from there, but while he was a great body man and mechanic, he was terrible at business. Lacked in the accounting area and it would become his downfall. Once he ended his business, things were tough. We struggled quite a bit as a family. He made do with small jobs that he would do in the garage at home. He had a hard time finding work at an established place because of back taxes that he still owed from the failed business. A couple of places took a chance on him, but it fell short quickly when the state and federal government came around wanting to take his pay and harass the business. These were really rough years in my childhood and I still suffer from events through those years.

The big turn around came when he was hired at Jeep Corporation as a supervisor. They were amazed at his knowledge and he quickly became a favorite around the plant. This was the steadiest employment that I remember him having in his life. He enjoyed what he was doing and felt he’d found his purpose. He still struggled with bosses telling him what to do, but decided to keep his head down and toe the line for the sake of his family.

As I’ve stated in numerous other blogs, I’ve been a study of humans for most of my life. I watched quietly and learned from others. I paid attention to everything my Father was saying about working hard and being valuable. He just wasn’t aware that I’d started doing this as part of the underworld. Hard work and paying attention to details does make you valuable. I’ll stay away from that part for now.

When I started working in the “regular” world. I kept my mouth shut and paid attention, worked my hardest to become as valuable as possible. I started to find that even though I was doing all the right things, it didn’t necessarily translate into good things from my employers. While they enjoyed seeing me arrive every day and working my hardest, the reward that came with it was minuscule. Not all bosses enjoyed someone who was good at their job. Numerous bosses through the years would take notice and look for ways to hold me back, or sabotage me in some fashion out of jealousy or concern that I might be coming for their job. Things just weren’t adding up, why wasn’t I able to break through? I was doing everything that I’d been taught. It just didn’t make sense.

In one of my jobs, I’d worked on a night shift, and had quickly moved through the ranks. I’d moved into a management position and was thinking that I’d finally be making headway to a better life. I dedicated myself and many hours to making the department and the company better. Never stepped away from long hours, or call backs after going home for the night. I just knew that if I kept it up, my value would skyrocket and I’d be noticed. In reality, I was taken advantage of. I’d eventually be moved to another department and given the opportunity to either take a pay cut and stay, or end my career. The company was making “moves” and was in a transition, so they needed everyone to be a “team” player and take whatever they offered. The next department was just hell on earth. The hours were 7 p.m. until 4 a.m. and we never got out on time. I already had issues with sleeping, so the change didn’t do my body, or life any favors. The work was tedious, and the people in the department were pretty terrible. I did my best to suck it up but knew that I wasn’t going anywhere and needed to make a change. I talked with my boss to see if I could get back to the pay level that I’d been at prior and he didn’t even slow down when blurting out “NO!” He then added to it, “you should be grateful that you even have a job, this is the best you’ll ever do in your life.” There you have it, there’s the payoff for years of hard work and service. This is the best I’ll ever do? Once those words rolled out of his mouth, I became determined to find other work, and quickly. It was time for change.

I found work at my current employer quickly. I just needed to wait for paperwork and drug testing to be cleared. Once that happened and the offer was made, I was ready to share the news with my boss. This may be cringe worthy to some people but it was one of the defining moments in my work life. I walked into work that night, did my normal job, which was starting to get picked at because I’d asked for the raise. At the end of my shift I went to the H.R. department and asked if I could be paid out for all of the leave that I’d acquired, if I left tonight? They said absolutely and asked if I’d be leaving then. I told them to get the paperwork ready and I’d be right back. I went into my boss’s office and gave him the news that I was leaving. He kind of snickered and leaned back in his chair. At that point, I threw my badge on his desk and told him to fuck himself! I then added that no one would ever tell me what my value is, or that this is the best I’d ever do. I then told him I was going up to H.R. because they had paperwork waiting for me to sign and he should maybe reconsider the next time he decides to take a shit on someone. That was the best, most confident walk I’ve ever had in my life. I strutted like a peacock on full display for the world to see. I learned then that my value is decided by me, not my employer, not by a boss, but me. I put the world on notice that night and changed within.

I’ve spent many years at my current job. I still believe in working hard and doing my best, but it’s more of a self serving thing. I do it because it’s what I want to do, not because I’m being manipulated by others. I know my value and if someone wants me to do the extra, they need to step up and treat me accordingly. It’s not being cocky or arrogant. It’s knowing that as an employee, you can make or break the place that you work at. You trade your life for a paycheck. That’s reality. We’re paid to give up time, to further the cause of a company. Yes, it provides for our life outside of work, but that’s the trade and it should be done fairly. Understand that I appreciate my job and what’s it’s done for my family, but I’m also aware that I’ve given blood, sweat and tears to further their cause. Fairness, that’s what it comes down to.

As a supervisor/manager now, I hold all of these things sacred and I treat my employees accordingly. I know that they all have value and lives, so I let them know that they’re appreciated. Even when they’re in a position that requires them to stay over, and they don’t want to, but have to. I thank them. It’s a simple gesture, but it means something. It means that I take notice of them, and that I appreciate them. That’s not something that I’ve experienced much in my life. I want my workers to know that I’d never ask them to do something that I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. I’m also willing to stand by their side and do the hard work with them, not above. This is the way it should be done in all companies. This is how I want to feel when I arrive to work, that I matter, that I’m important and what I do there is valued. Big bonuses would be great, but I’d take a “thank you” any day of the week…with sincerity.

It comes down to balance and respect. We know that we all need to work in order to provide, but that doesn’t need to be held over our heads. That’s not how you motivate humans…at least not this human. I’m motivated by people who are willing to get into the trenches with me and do the hard work. I’m motivated by a work force that has empathy for one another, understanding that we are all in this game of life together. Balance. Respect. Think it through. What motivates you at work? What is it that you need to maintain your desire to keep showing up? Is it just for the paycheck, or is there satisfaction gained in what you do?

I’m proud of who I’ve become. I’ve found the balance that I speak of. I’ve kept the many things that my Father has taught me and added a bit of my own flavor to it. While I’m coming closer to the end of my career, I still get up and put in a full days work. I owe my employer that. We’ve agreed to exchange money for time, and for the moment, I’m alright with it.

Thanks for taking the time to read through, and I hope that this gives you something to think on.

~Zombie~

I’m compelled to write

August 2, 2024August 2, 2024 / Zombie / Leave a comment

I never thought of myself as much of a writer. This all came about by chance, and some motivation provided by my cousin Marilyn who had already been doing her own blogging. I fell into the world of blogging by deciding one year to raise money for Mobile Meals of Toledo.

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My wife had been a long time volunteer who delivered meals to folks who were in need of regular healthy meals but struggled to get this done on their own. I went along with my wife a few times to assist and quickly understood why she was doing this and that this was an amazing organization! They’re great people working on a very tight budget, trying to make sure the most vulnerable would be fed, regardless of income. This touched my soul as I remember as a child what it felt like to be hungry, and longed for regular home cooked meals. I decided I had to do something. I had to find a way to bring attention to Mobile Meals and assist in getting them more funds to keep doing their great work, but what? What could I do?

Being a long time road runner, I decided to challenge myself to run 30 races in a single year. Why 30? Well, it was to celebrate my 30th year of running. I wanted to take something that had saved me personally and turn it into a year long charity event! All the proceeds, donations from everything that I did would be given directly to Mobile Meals of Toledo. So, we got with the folks at Mobile Meals and I pitched my idea. They were all in! I needed to broaden my social medial footprint and perhaps start a blog. The blogging seemed kind of odd to me and I was never very good at talking about myself. Things needed to change so that I could make this a success.

2015 was the year that I took on this challenge and found myself having one of the best running years of my life! The reason it was so great? Because the running was not all about me. It was for others. I felt all of the people that were in need and it just made me run more, faster, happier! I began to sit in front of the computer and try to describe all the details of my races, how I was feeling, how far I had run, where I had traveled to, everything. Each blog entry seemed to get a little easier. I felt at home at the keyboard. I found that I suddenly enjoyed being a story teller and sharing these details began to inspire others. Some would show up at the races and cheer for me, while others would read my blogs and begin their own fitness journey. Positive strives were beginning to happen on all fronts. This was amazing!

My love for running was just easy for me to talk about. It was my home and my comfort zone. I love to tell people about running in different races, the sights that I’d seen along the way, the people cheering, the sounds and smells. It was just a year that I’ll never forget. I will tell you that I did finish all 30 races that I set out to run that year. Some of my best times ever also came during that stretch. Most importantly, I was able to raise thousands of dollars for Mobile Meals of Toledo and that was the greatest part of it all.

I stayed with the blogging after the that year faded. I began looking for other ways to help groups with my running. After awhile, the body started to be uncooperative and I wasn’t sure that I could keep putting myself through so many races. Interest in charities started to fade out a little as well. So, rather than fade away into obscurity, I chose to just stop for awhile and take a break. The call of my blog would remain this constant voice, beckoning me to sit down and do something again.

I truly love to write now. The subjects nowadays have been both positive/uplifting, and dark. I write about my mental health, and the struggles I’ve encountered throughout my life. I also have more plans to write about my vision or feelings of the world as a whole. Life as seen through the eyes of Zombie. For anyone that’s not aware, I’m Zombie. The name I’ve carried now for many a year. Earned by lack of sleep due to odd working hours, night terrors, reoccurring dreams, and fear of what might happen if I close my eyes. These hazel eyes have seen much and now it’s time to share how they view everything.

The idea of writing a book has crossed my mind and I’ve started throwing some things on here, saved for another day. I write mostly by my mood, what I’m feeling, or just something that catches one of my senses. I can hear something, perhaps Spring time birds, or smell a food. The sound of music is always the closest to my soul and can bring about so much. That’s actually what sat me down here tonight, music.

Photo by Elviss Railijs Bitu0101ns on Pexels.com

At this point in my life I feel like I have so much to say and not enough time to say it all. I’m unsure why I feel like this, but I’m driven, and inspired. I pour my feelings out onto this keyboard in hopes that it touches someone, anyone. I write for myself, but also for others. Maybe my feelings of never being heard throughout my life are what make me sit here. I feel as though I actually have an audience that hears me. Feels some of the things that I feel and for a moment, we connect.

Writing has become therapy. It helps to unload some of the heavy weight that I’ve carried for far too long. It seems to smooth out the rough edges, and helps me to breathe. I’ve wondered before why this didn’t come about earlier, why now. I feel that it’s my time now, it’s just that simple. I wasn’t in the right space to open up and put things down on paper, or computer screen. I’d locked so much away that now seems to be shaking loose. I’m compelled to write. Compelled to say the things that just maybe make someone smile, or even cry. I tell my sister often that when I sit here and type my blogs, if I cry at the end, I know it’s good. True story.

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I’ll keep writing until I feel that all the dark corners are cleared out. I’ll keep writing until I feel that my heart is full. I will keep writing because I’m compelled to do so. I want you all to share this journey with me. There is oh so much more to come! So, sit back, grab your phone, or get in front of your computer, and get ready to view life through the eyes of Zombie.

Thank you so very much for reading.

~Zombie~

Not all days are bad.

July 29, 2024 / Zombie / Leave a comment

If you’ve been reading and following my journey lately, you may feel as though I’m sliding downward, or things are out of control. Let me reassure you that I’m a work in progress and yes, there will be tough days, but not all days are bad.

Understand that mental health is an ebb and flow kind of thing. You can ride the highs of great events, time spent with loved ones and just being alive. There’s also the challenges of stress brought about by work, family life, relationships, or brought about by triggers. (In general, when a person is “triggered,” they’re being provoked by a stimulus that awakens or worsens the symptoms of a traumatic event or mental health condition.) I felt the need to add that so that everyone understands when I say triggered, you have some kind of baseline definition. Triggered events are the toughest for me. I don’t know what can bring them on. Sometimes I have no idea why something is upsetting me so much. When this happens, and I have a moment of feeling lost, alone or worst of all rage, I reach out and ask for guidance. While I’m lucky enough to have someone in my “corner” that is a trained professional. There are other avenues that I’d highly recommend to others. Al Anon is a wonderful organization and they hold meetings on a regular basis pretty much in all communities. They’re free and even if you don’t have issues related to alcohol, you’ll find good information in those rooms. This too can help you from feeling all alone.

“Healing begins at the end of resistance and the beginning of surrender.” I found this today on social media and wow did it grab me! When we take the initiative to lower our guard and stop resisting, to surrender, we can find peace. I’ve experienced this on so many levels, that I really felt this quote. Sometimes it’s the simplest sayings, memes, quotes that can make the biggest difference in your mood. It can boost you up and make you feel “normal” again.

The power of writing, reading and music. These things are truly my safeguards. Being able to sit in front of the computer and just pound away on my keyboard is so therapeutic. I’ve found that my brain works in such a way that I need the keyboard to be able to keep up with my thoughts. Yes, I’m a skilled typist. (Thank you Waite High School). I can throw things down and purge them from my brain, good, bad or indifferent. I also recommend writing or journaling things. You can keep them all to yourself, share with others, or write them out and then burn them. I know of many that find that as a way of closure. Reading self help books and poetry can do wonders. Add some great music to any of the above and just wow! I’m currently sitting in front of the computer and listening to scores from movies, one of my most favorite types of music. I bet you’d never guess that!

I want my post to always be thought provoking and hopefully not to much for people to handle. I don’t want to hurt anyone. My time for doing that is behind me now, it’s time for a new chapter in my life. One of forgiveness and healing. I find tears start just by saying this out loud. It takes me right back to a moment sitting with my counselor and her asking me “Robert, when are you going to forgive yourself?” I exploded into tears when she asked me because that was a question I’ve never been able to answer. I’ve held myself accountable for so many things for so long, it just became a part of me. I never thought that I was worthy of being forgiven. Like I said, I’m a work in progress.

I hope that you have a better understanding of humans by reading through my blogs. As a studier of humans in general, I seek to point out things that are both good and rewarding. As I stated at the start and with my title, Not all days are bad. I’ll add to that, not all people are bad. There is a path forward, just seek it. I’ve always been jealous of my wife’s ability to see things from a different perspective. I can be in the throws of rage and she’ll say something that sparks a different thought, which carries into a different reaction, and slows me back down. I don’t think that I thank her enough for talking me off so many ledges over the years. It takes a special kind of person to handle me. Thank you Karla Jean.

In closing; I just want to say that today is a better day. I’ll keep writing, reading and listening to my music. I’ll keep seeing my counselor until we both feel that I’m back on the right track and able to go it alone. When I say alone, I don’t really mean it. I know that there are those out there that will always have my back and my best interest in mind. While I remain slightly broken, I’m good today, and sometimes that’s good enough.

As always, thanks for reading, I’m honored that you all take the time.

I’ll see you on the road.

~Zombie~

The zombie file

Life seen through the eyes of Zombie

blog

Empathy Over Exclusivity: My Perspective

From Isolation to Connection

Writing and Reflection

The Emotional Process of Writing a Book

Music Activates The Soul

Embracing Life: Finding Joy Amidst Mortality

The depth of human emotions through the eyes

Employee vs Employer: Finding Balance and Valuing Work

I’m compelled to write

Not all days are bad.