Self worth “The inherent belief in one’s own value as a person, regardless of external factors like achievements or opinions. It’s a sense of being good enough and deserving of love and respect.”

Self Esteem “Is an individual’s subjective sense of their own worth and value.”

While these two are closely related, they’re distinct concepts. Let me get into this and share my perspective.

I was an easy target for someone to manipulate me when I was young because I struggled with self-esteem. I didn’t value who I was as a person, and I was influenced by outside sources that left me with the inability to build myself up. If you feel as though you have no value, it’s hard to build it up when you take what others have to say as gospel. When a person continually tells you that you’re worthless, you just might begin to believe it. I’m here to tell you, don’t listen!

I came from a poor family. We had very little, and it showed at times. We wore secondhand clothing and got by on bare essentials for many years. These kinds of things can leave you feeling cast aside by society. Add to that the fact that I lived in a poor area of the city, which puts you at a disadvantage when applying for jobs or socializing in general. The minute you put your zip code down it was as though you could almost feel the look of disgust. You knew at that point your application would find its way to file X.

Society wants winners and pretty people. They don’t want to hear from those who have to struggle. It doesn’t make them feel good. I walked the streets with a chip on my shoulder because I felt the weight of this and it grew worse as time went on. Rather than helping to build people up, we leave them at the side of the road where predators can feed upon them. This I know for fact because I fell into that trap. The guy who “groomed” me did so in such a fashion that I felt I would want for nothing. I had power through intimidation and violence. I skirted the edges of the law and did so unapologetically. I went from a kid who had nothing to one who had the power and backing of the underworld, or so I thought. My self esteem was built on lies and deception, and when it was pulled away, I fell back into my belief that I was nothing.

The things that changed me for the better were having people come into my life who offered me a better view of the world. I was hungry for a better life, a better world. Once I caught a glimpse of how things could be, it drove me to want to succeed. Finding that I was capable of being good at things and believing in myself drove my self-esteem to higher levels. I knew that I could compete with anyone and be successful. I no longer relied on the voices that would try to hold me back in order to serve their purpose.

One of the biggest changes in my life came with running. Running was something that gave me confidence. It didn’t matter if I was fast or slow, I was doing it on my own. My success was based on my ability to put on a pair of running shoes and just go. This was such a transformative time in my life. My feelings of pride and accomplishment gave me the internal voice to stand tall and feel good about myself. I felt that what I’d learned from my running I could apply to all aspects of my life and succeed.

While running wasn’t the cure, it was the beginning of a wonderful change in me. Running gave me more than it ever took away. That’s more than I can say for numerous people who passed through my life. While it did help me with relationships, it wasn’t able to fix all the damage that I’d encountered. The next step was walking into a counselor’s office and being open about my life. Stepping out of the shadows that had made me believe for so long that I could never do better. It gave me the confidence to change my direction in all aspects of my life. I learned that I have value, and I can command respect. I also learned to love deeply and openly. Placing trust in those you know won’t harm you.

If you believe in yourself and understand your value in this world, you’ll attract better humans into your orbit. Don’t settle for people who want to put you down or place value on you based on your looks, your pocketbook, or your zip code. I’d rather stand alone than settle for people who think so little of me. If you feel as though you’re with a person who doesn’t hear you or see you for everything that you are, do yourself a favor and move on. We all have something special about us. Being human means that we have our flaws, but rather than think less of ourselves, we should just simply celebrate who and what we are.

I wear all my scars with honor now. My brokenness is a thing of beauty. It may not be for everyone, but I’m good living in my own skin, and that’s what really matters. I no longer allow others to place a value on who or what I am. I tell you all this because I hope that I reach those who might still be struggling with their value. Once again I say, “I see you, and I hear you.” Don’t just wish for better, make the changes within yourself to be better. Take care of you first and you’ll see that your self-esteem will skyrocket. This will in turn make you understand that your self-worth is truly controlled by you. Never give your power to another person…ever.

Thank you so much for following along on my journey.

~Robert~