While enjoying my weekend I decided to thumb through some poetry. I have several books of poetry by different authors, and sometimes I like to dig through some of the classics. I pulled out “A Dream Within a Dream.” This is one that I’m sure a few of you remember. It was written by Edgar Allan Poe. This particular poem is one that beckons a closer look as it speaks to my own feelings of life. How we roll through life and wonder what’s real and what’s a dream, or in some cases nightmare. I’ll write out the poem in it’s entirety so that I can touch on how it makes me feel and what my life has meant to me. The harsh existence of my youth and the desire to hold onto all that is dear to me.

“A Dream Within a Dream” by Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow-

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand-

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep-while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

I’ve purposely set the text as it was originally done by Mr. Poe. It’s a beautiful piece that questions so much about life. Not only questions life, but shows fear for losing everything that matters. The grains of sand slipping between the fingers. Next time you’re on a beach, take a scoop of sand and hold it dearly in your hands and think of this. Do your very best to hold the sand without letting it slip away.

I talk pretty regularly about how I felt that I’ve lived numerous lifetimes. From my very early years of existence where I was carefree, soft, naïve, and full of wonder. This moved to a darker time in my life that seemed it might be forever. Darkness, liars, deceit, treachery, and loss. Each of these moments I felt as though it wasn’t real. The people and things around me were just part of a dream. I encapsulated myself in my own bubble of survival; never really knowing where I was going or what would become of me. When I did encounter people that made things feel more real, I seemed to switch to the second portion of this poem. I wanted to hold onto them so badly. It was like trying to hold sand in my hand without letting any of the granules slip away. A teacher, a high school sweetheart, even a boss at one of my earliest part-time jobs.. (Legit job) They meant something to me and I wanted to hold onto the feeling of mattering. The feeling of joy, respect, and love.

As my life continued, the closeness that I shared with these people faded. People came and went throughout my life. Life became a revolving door of sorts and I became tired, lost again. When I’d look back at things that I’d been through it was a mixed bag of emotions. All of it seemed as though it almost never happened. Did it really happen? Were these people all real? Along with my everyday feelings, add to this the attempt to sleep. When sleep did come, it brought with it nightmares. Horrible events being regurgitated over and over. The line between awake and asleep became more and more blurred. What was life really? Was I meant to live out my days in this manner?

In my current life, things are much improved. I have a job that provides for my needs. I have a wife that cares for me. I have the things that you want to hold onto. This brings us back to the grains of sand. I wish to hold them in my hand and never let them slide away. The happiness that I feel when I’m with people that bring me back to “the real world.” Yet it’s like a nagging feeling that sits in the back of my mind saying “this is not real.” You’re only dreaming. I know that one day I’ll have to part ways with my wife when my time comes to leave this earth. I feel what Poe was trying to relay. All of it. If you’re spiritual than you probably believe in some form of afterlife. That one day you’ll be reunited with everyone that you’ve loved and was important to you. I’ve always struggled in this arena and think that when I leave, all will be lost. The grains of sand will be swept away into the ocean. That my life will have been a dream within a dream. Don’t feel sorry for me in this moment. Just understand that we have this life and should cherish it. My seeking of peace has been the most important thing. I’ll celebrate what has been shared with me. I’ll cherish the love that I’ve found in this world, so that when the day does come to leave it, I’ll be o.k. My take on “A Dream Within a Dream.”

Thank you for following along on my journey through this life.

~Robert/Zombie~

Side note: Seek out other works by Edgar Alan Poe…Alone and The Raven are amazing pieces of work. Alone is one that I could write about as well.