#run #running #offday #rest #road #roadrunning

From Darkness to Light: Overcoming Internal Struggles

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

Being that we’re in the month of October, and everyone is prepping for their scary season. I thought I’d ask, what scares you? I mean what is so unsettling to you that it feels as though it grabs your soul? I have phobias for sure. I’m unsettled by tight spaces, heights, and even basements. (Thanks to my sisters) When we lived in our house on Nevada, it had a pretty good sized basement. A set of stairs that went down and stopped midway where there was a small landing and a side door to the home. The stairs then continued on into the basement. There was a main room, and then split off from that were a couple more rooms. One had the washer and dryer, there was a shower room in the corner of that and then there was another smaller room that was off of that. Of course the usual furnace, water heater and such were down there. To most, it would appear to be pretty normal stuff. The space under the stairs was always creepy to me and I didn’t care for it. My sisters knew about this, and one day decided to run up the stairs together and lock the basement door. From there they began telling me all of the creatures that were underneath the stairs that were going to come out and get me. Once I was finally let out, I screamed all the way to the living room where I attempted to get under the sofa. I was absolutely petrified. Needless to say, nightmares ensued. I’ve never been a fan of a basement to this very day! I’m in my 50’s now and still look over my shoulder when walking up the basement stairs. In the back of my mind, the kid from so many years ago is still in there and he’s still terrified. It never goes away.

Photo by Jean Marc Pampuch on Pexels.com

When it comes to people, there are literally a handful that have scared me in my life. A couple of the darkest moments will probably soon be revealed in counseling. The last session really dug into something. Amy said that it’s the first time that I showed fear. I felt it when we were talking. It took me to a place that made me want to scream like that kid running from the basement. I wanted to dig my way underneath a sofa in the worst way and never be found. The very idea of facing your fears can be trauma in itself. Staring at something that you really don’t want to. I’ll ask you to think about that for a second. Is there an event in your life that makes you feel this way? Something that makes you feel like a kid that wants to hide underneath something in order to make the feelings stop? Hold onto that for a moment.

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Pexels.com

I’ve found while doing these blogs that there are others that have fears, and have lived through events that haunt them to this day. While I tell the story about the basement, it’s just to give you perspective. Everyone has been scared by something like that as a child. While I still have my feelings about basements, I walk up and down in mine all of the time. My biggest fear in my life is facing my own thoughts. Yep, it’s true. That’s where all of the blackest things reside. Events that I thought I put to bed years ago, loss of persons in my life, hunger, struggle, all of it’s there. Let’s go back to the words of my sponsor, “stay out of your head, it’s a bad neighborhood.” Yes, it’s a bad neighborhood. The question is, do I want to leave it as such, or do I want to try to turn it around?

Photo by KoolShooters on Pexels.com

Here’s a free piece of advice for anyone that suffers from darkness. It doesn’t go away on it’s own. You can’t bury it, you can’t will it away, it needs to come out from whatever basement that you’ve left it in. Once you dig it out, face it head on. Will it be scary, hell yes! I know that the next time I go to see Amy we’ll be doing just that. The reason why I will follow through with this is because I want to feel better, I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to have the darkness reside in my head and fester. If left unchecked, it only manifest into much uglier things. This I promise you.

You may have noticed on my last blog entry that I used my given name “Robert”. This is something that was also discussed with Amy. You see, Zombie it’s been decided is the darker side of Robert. While I’ve held onto the title and used it many times, and even in a fun way. It’s almost like it’s an alter ego. Zombie is who holds the secrets. The fears, the things that scare me. The eyes of Zombie have seen much and we believe that it’s time for me to step away from that. I won’t be changing my blog name, as it’s still fitting for what I do and what I write about. The Zombie File is the files of the many things that have been witnessed, both good and bad. I’ll continue to step back into those times, gently, because there are still stories that need to be told. With each blog entry I feel relief. So, I’ll just keep doing this until there’s nothing left to say.

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Tonight, while I’m asking you to visit the darkness, I’m also letting you know that there’s hope. (I know Amy, here’s the sprinkles–inside joke). Ask yourself what scares you and think about visiting those spaces. I don’t want you to do it alone, but I’d ask that you work towards that. If we clear out the ugliness, then perhaps we can enjoy the darkness the way it should be. “Without darkness you can’t see stars”.

Photo by yuyang zhang on Pexels.com

I’ll be taking my steps in a little over a week, and facing what broke me. What made tears come to my eyes, tightness to my throat, shaking of my hands. That’s the level of scared that I feel. I know that with the help of Amy, I will no longer want to run and hide under that sofa. I won’t have to be scared anymore.

Thanks for reading

~Robert~

The eyes of Zombie

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

I think we’re pretty much all are aware now that I’m Zombie, yes? That being said, my eyes have seen many things. I may view the world a little differently than most. The more I go to counseling, the more I realize that my view of my life and the world was shall we say, skewed. More darkness than light, more evil than good, and trust was a broken word that held no meaning.

Photo by Michael Morse on Pexels.com

While I do reflect on the past, I try to keep forward momentum. I want to see all that this world has to offer in a more positive light. Take the time to enjoy the sights that so many walk past daily without even noticing. I was one of those people, so I know how easy it is to fall into the trap. Lets take a look if you will.

I’ve been running for some 40 years now. It’s become more of a walking thing than running, more because the body just does better when I walk. In plain English, “shit hurts and shit breaks easier now.” When I’m out on the road the feeling of freedom is abundant. My cares and worries tend to subside. I’m left with just raw emotions. I’ve gone over overpasses and gazed out at a sunset shining down on an open field and just stopped with tear filled eyes. Such a simple thing that is taken for granted. The way the lines from the sun can split clouds and lay gently across the green, lush earth. It’s a work of art!

Photo by Tom Kardashov on Pexels.com

Then there are the manmade things. Seeing a bridge at dawn. Standing tall and strong with the blue morning sky as a backdrop. Sleek and powerful! Watching the daily commuters hustle over, racing for their lives. Perhaps caught up in their daily grind, thinking of the weekend and what things they want to do, or perhaps a car full of children singing to a song on the radio. I see, hear and feel all of these things.

Photo by Robert So on Pexels.com

Wildlife is just everywhere. Birds of so many different origins. Their colors, mannerisms, ways of eating or loving one another. Ground dwelling fuzzy little chunks…lol! They’re always a favorite. Dogs of all varieties that I happen across while on my route. I’ve become fast friends with many and look forward to just seeing any or all of them as I make my way through the miles. I find myself looking for them each time I go on each of my designated routes. If they’re not around, I often wonder if they’re alright. They’re a part of my routine and help to make my day something better. We have a saying on walkabouts. Whenever we see creatures wandering, or looking for food, they’re just “on the hustle, trying to make a living.” Just the same as all of us. Trying to find our way through the world, eat, love, and pray our way into a better life.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I will tell you that I also see great sadness. There are times when I see wandering folks, unsure of who they are, or where they’re going. People sleeping on the street, or in a torn up tent at the side of a bridge. Desperation and fear are also a part of our world. What we see and how we see it are what make us different, unique. Some can pass by things like this and feel nothing. Not even so much as a glance in the direction of this broken person. Others stop and offer food, or a bit of change. Empathy is something that I’ve felt has been lost. If not lost, maybe pushed aside at times. We’ve become numb to the ugliness in the world today. Even if you choose not to see it, trust me, it still resides in all areas, all zip codes.

Photo by Ilya Melnikov on Pexels.com

So, when I walk, these are all things that are happening. I’ve had many ask me “what do you do for all those hours out there?” “Don’t you get bored?” That’s easy, I’m never bored. There is too much going on to ever be bored and it’s never the same. Each time I travel there is something more to discover. While I may be walking the same route that I walked the day before, something is always different. I feel as though I’m meant to feel what I see. I don’t understand why yet, but something in me thinks that if I notice these things, it makes them real. If I write about them, others may know then, and it’s validated. Whether it’s the vision of the city, or the clouds in the sky. These things were meant to be noticed, just like each one of us. We have a purpose and a place in this world. Much like the creatures I spoke of earlier. We’re all on the hustle trying to make a living.

I’d like each of you to take a moment in your day to recognize something or someone that you may not normally do. Really take a look around and feel it. That’s the challenge for today. It’s really not asking for much, just a moment from your busy day. Gaze at that sunrise or sunset that I spoke of. Look at all the birds and fuzzy creatures scurrying about. Let your senses run wild! See things through the eyes of Zombie, if only for a moment.

Thank you so much for reading.

~Zombie~

The Zombie File

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

Hey everyone! I’m backtracking a little bit today. As you may have noticed, the name of my blog has changed. Previously known as 30races.com has been switched to a more fitting thezombiefile.com. Being that my quest to run 30 races in a year was back in 2015, I thought it was way past time to switch things up and adjust everything. For those that don’t know, I’m Zombie! I acquired the name many moons ago. Mostly due to my lack of sleep and changing work schedule, that remains to this very day. So, welcome to anyone new to my scene and hello again to those that have followed along over the years. I can’t promise to always be a ray of sunshine on here, but I’ll always write from my heart. That’s a promise.

The Zombie life has been an ever changing adventure. I’m still doing the miles, I’ve just switched over to mostly walking. Easier on my joints, and I’m hoping to keep my back intact as long as humanly possible. The obsession that’s come with this are step goals. (Damn you Garmin!) Garmin offers numerous challenges each month for anything from steps, to lifting, running, biking, swimming and yoga. I of course feel the need to place myself in as many challenges as I can during said month. My wife said that we need shirts that say “Garmin made me do it”. LOL!! That’s a very true statement. There have been days that I wasn’t really feeling like getting out and doing anything, then I look at my Garmin connect and see that I may just need a few thousand steps to be in the #1 spot, or as I like to say, “on the podium.” Challenges have their positives, but they can get to you, and bring out not only the competitor inside of you, but if you have any kind of illness that makes you turn obsessed, it can be a bit much. I’m able to push back against my demons and keep things fun. I won’t lie, I’ve gone out and gone around the block just to get back on the podium at the end of the week! I like the view from the top…lol!

I’m starting to get the bug to get after another Ultra Marathon. I know once my wife reads this you’ll all be able to hear her eyes rolling. I don’t know what it is that I have inside me that feels the need to push my body to the breaking edge. I guess I just like to see what I’m capable of and how far I can actually go. You never know until you take the chance on yourself. We did an Ultra a few years back and it was tough. The mistake that I made with that was I was already in training for the NYC marathon. They were spaced pretty close together and I really needed a little extra time to get my body back in order. I did enjoy pushing through though. I’ve been researching races coming up in the Fall, as that’s my favorite time of year to do anything. The only requirement I have is that I need to find a race that allows enough time for me to complete it at my walking pace. For those that don’t know, many Ultra Marathons are done by people that do some running along with walking. Some just walk from start to finish. It’s a little different environment. Geared more towards just reaching the mileage goal. I like that a lot better than killing yourself to have the fastest pace. There’s a bit of freedom to it, and remember, walking means that I’m spending a lot more time on a course than any runner. Plus, the miles are all the same. Be it 32, 50 or 100, miles are miles. I’m trained up enough now that I could do a marathon distance without issue. So, in my brain that means I could do a 50K as well. It’s only like 6 miles more distance, right? I’d eventually like to work my way up to a 50 miler. Karla and I talked about getting ourselves in killer shape and doing something crazy for our 60th birthdays. I like goals!

I’m still keeping in touch with my dietician. More of an as needed kind of thing now. I’ve learned much from her over the past year +. She checks in on my food logs and sends an occasional text to see where I’m at mentally and how my body is feeling. I can’t say enough good things about her. I’ll throw her web address on here for anyone interested. The first chat/consultation is free. She’s done great things in helping find my balance and get rid of nagging stomach problems. Zombie Recommended! https://www.therootedrd.com/

What are everyone’s plans to stay sane and keep healthy in the coming year? I’ve cut out watching the news on a regular basis. I’m listening to more music and will be taking on my first book in quite some time. I’ve always had an issue with sitting still. My brain keeps telling me that there are things to be done. As my sister would say, “self imposed” things, but there are always things that can be done. I do want to escape in good reads though. I plan on writing a lot more, so look out! If I could have a sabbatical and wander off to the mountains, I think I’d enjoy working on my book. I started one that is based on my early life. After discussions with family, the idea of doing a memoir sounds more intriguing. So much is still just sitting inside of me, just yearning to come out. If it wasn’t for an amazing counselor, none of it would ever see the light of day. She’s guided me in a direction that makes me feel safe in my own skin again. Thank you Amy! I’ll throw her information on here as well. Also highly Zombie Recommended! https://www.amylistens.org/

Final thoughts for today. I do still struggle with my own issues, and find it extremely hard to stay positive. The world seems so hopeless at times, and I wonder if I’m alone in these feelings. I want to hear from you folks. I want to know if you have these feelings too. I wish good things for the world. That’s a far cry from the old me in my “past life”. I want to lead others in a more positive direction, we’re all worth it. Keep moving, get the oxygen in the body. Go look at all that mother nature has to offer outdoors. Hey, read a good book! Give more hugs, and listen to one another. I think that all got lost somewhere along the way. I’ll keep working on me, but just know that I’m never more than a text, email or phone call away. While I’ve been accused at times of being heartless, it’s not the case. I actually care. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t bother saying any of this. I hope it touches someone, or inspires. That’s why I started this blog in the first place. Until the next episode.

I’ll see you on the road…

~Zombie~

I’m Only Human

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

Hey there fellow Zombies! It’s been a minute since I sat down and knocked out another blog entry. It’s gray and raining, so why not right now?

I’ve decided to touch on the subject that continues to be a thing in my life. Injuries and the body. I had a really good run going at the beginning of the year, managed to knock out a few half marathons and a couple short distance runs without any issues. I’m totally grateful for that. I love getting on here and throwing some positive vibes out and always hoping to motivate others. That said, lets also talk about the other side of all of this training and running. Injuries and/or very sore body parts. Yes, I do get injured. Yes, I do have very sore body parts. The question you have to ask yourself when these things come around is, how are you going to address them, and what should you do to move forward?

I’ll tell you now that I have several ongoing fights within my body that I struggle with daily. Due to being injured playing football at a very young age, I have pins placed in my right hip. They’ve been there from around the age of 13. I was told at that time by my doctor that my football dreams were over. He further disgusted me by telling me that I’d never be able run and I’d have to go slowly with everything I did moving forward. I won’t lie, at 13, I really had no dreams of being a distance runner, but the idea of someone saying that you can never do something didn’t sit well with me.

Later in my life I was involved in a pretty bad car accident, well a few actually. None of them were my fault, but the lasting damage to the body haunts me daily. The first accident broke my nose. This crack would have been the second time breaking it and the injury has caused my airways to be slightly obstructed. So when I tell you that running can be a chore at times, it’s for real. Getting air in through my nose is always bit of a struggle. The next accident was a drunk driver running into the back of my car while I was waiting at a stop light. I have arthritis in my low back to this very day from that crash. I was recently diagnosed with “severe” arthritis in my right hip, the one with the pins in it. This explains the incredible amount of soreness after a long walk. It also gives a glimpse into why I’ve not been able to run.

The body sends messages to me, and at times I listen. I put in the work to keep things moving and continue to work on my strength at the gym to offset these “gifts”. I’m back to that day when the doctor told me I could not play football and would never run. My brain hears those words and then says, “No, it’s not going to go that way”!

I’ve learned my boundaries, and how hard I can push on them. I’ve also learned that by doing nothing, I’ll never feel better, ever! Do I hurt when I wake up, you bet, but I get up, stretch out, and get to moving! Arthritis is tricky and there are some days that I just struggle to walk and get through a work day. I don’t whine about it, I just deal with it. There are others that suffer much greater body problems than I, and I still consider myself lucky to be able to put my running shoes on and go outside. “Life is not a spectator’s sport”. Something I say on a regular basis. I don’t want to stand on the sidelines and just watch things happen. I want to take part in everything I possibly can before I’m no longer here to do so. My limits are not set, and when I think they are, I push harder!

I’m sharing this because I know others struggle. I also know that some think I live a charmed life of just running, walking and such without issue. I’m sharing because I struggle, and I hurt, but I refuse to quit! What you do is ask yourself, how is this going to play out? Should I just take these things that have happened to me and stop, or do I learn to live with them and continue to thrive? Yeah, I think you know what my choice is.

In another week, I’ll be in the Smoky Mountains with my bride, doing one of the things that I love the most, hiking in nature! We always choose some of the toughest hikes because 1. They have a huge payoff in what you see out there, and 2. We both like to push our aging bodies right to the edge. Does that mean that everyone should do that? No, but whatever you can do, do it! Whatever limits you’ve set for yourself, push right to the edge. Who knows, you might find that you’re capable of going beyond those preset limits and really find yourself!

“I’m only human”, but I choose to be a happy one! I choose life, no matter how much it hurts some days. I like riding that edge between what I know I can do, and what’s on the other side of it! I often wonder what that doctor would think of me today. I wish he was still alive so that I could tell him I managed to run for over 38 years! Not only run, but thrived. We all know that running saved my life. What would’ve happened to me had I not been able to push and break that barrier? I don’t want to think about that. I’m here, living, challenging myself, and breaking as many barriers as I can. Join me!

I’ll see you on the road…

~Zombie~

P.S. I’ve added just a few pictures of some of the beauty I’ve seen during my travels of running, walking and hiking across this country.

Legacy of an athlete

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

I’ll start out by posing a question to you all. What is it that you want to be remembered for? What is that you do, or who you are that you want others to remember you for? I know, deep question, and sometimes I feel the need to ask them to open discussions.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write, was an assignment in my college writing course. I was asked to write my own obituary. While the knee jerk reaction was a snicker throughout the group, when you sit and stare at the paper, or computer screen, something changes. Who am I and what have I done that I want to be remembered for? I found that during this assignment I’d gone through several pieces of paper and suddenly found myself stuck. I surely didn’t want to tell the world of all my greatness that I’d achieved as a boy growing up. I didn’t want to lie, or put forward something that would misrepresent who I truly am. I passed the assignment, but after reading my obit, the instructor sat down with me and said, “I wasn’t feeling any passion, and I think you were selling yourself short”. I replied that, I guess I feel that I’m just an ordinary guy, and kind of forgettable. We went on to discuss it further, but I won’t get into all of that right now. I think now I understand what he was trying to say, and again, I feel that itch inside to write it down and share it with others. So here we go.

First and foremost, I’m a husband, a brother, a friend, a boss and a co-worker. I consider myself an athlete, a runner and hopefully through my writing, an inspiration. I’ve learned through my running, yes, it always comes back to running, that I can reach people and at times, maybe make their lives better. Sharing my struggles lets other know that they don’t sit alone, that they don’t sell themselves short. We all want to be seen, heard and cared for.

What does this all have to do with running? Well, running has been the most powerful force in changing how I see myself and others in the world. Prior to that, I really didn’t care…about anything. I found growth in running, happiness and a reason to breathe. Once I found that, I wanted to share it with the world, I just wasn’t sure how. So here I am, throwing raw emotions out there for people to read. I find myself being hopeful that when I tell my running stories, it will plant a seed in someone. Whether it’s one person, or many, the satisfaction that I receive is the same. Knowing that the seed will grow and then flourish is satisfying to my soul.

While you’re pondering my original question, know this. I want to be remembered for being someone that inspired. I love the sound of that, kind of gives me chills just thinking about it. That perhaps I touched someone’s life and made a difference, for the good. That is what I’ve learned through my running…some things are, and should be greater than myself. Perhaps that’s why when I wrote my own obituary it was such a struggle, I didn’t want to write about me. Now I understand that by writing about myself, I can reach others. I also do my best to write with passion, because I think about my discussion on that day in writing class all the time. “Don’t sell yourself short Robert”. Those were his parting words at the end of the day. I get it now.

When all is said and done, I’d also like to be remembered for my passion. My passion for life! My desire to be an inspiring athlete. Someone that cared deeply and gave everything of himself. That will be my legacy to leave for those that have found something they could keep from reading my writings, sharing conversations or just running on the road with me. I’m a simple man, but one with passion, and I’m forever an athlete. Thanks for sharing my journey.

I’ll see you on the road…

Zombie

Overtraining? Who, me??

/ Zombie / 2 Comments

I wanted to devote some time to the subject of overtraining. Some folks in my orbit and myself included love to push it right to the edge…take a look around, and then push it some more! If you find yourself in this category, let’s have a chat, shall we.

It’s true that I enjoy waking at 3 a.m. to start my day when I’m on day shift. I’m usually out the door by 4 a.m. going to the gym or on the road, running. I find that if I get after it first thing in the morning, it cuts down on my stress level throughout the day, and generally makes me feel better. I also love the fact that so few people are out there during these hours doing the same thing. I’m not completely anti-social, but I will admit, I enjoy my “personal space”. I keep this regiment at least 5 days a week, in some cases 6. I try to make myself take at least one full day off from everything, but I’ve found that on these stretches of pushing, I can eventually get tired, lethargic, and even slightly irritable. There may have been a moment in my not so distant past that I came home from work and just fell asleep right in my chair with my work clothes still on, holding my cell phone. It’s good for a chuckle, but the underlying theme here is that my body is trying to tell me something…ease up!

I’ve gotten better at taking cues or signals from my body. At times they’re subtle or gentle reminders. Other times, it’s a full kick in the ass! The body is an amazing machine that knows how things are supposed to run, even when you think you know better. Believe me, I’ve thought, on more than one occasion that I knew better. If you take a moment and just listen, your body will send you messages on a regular basis, but be careful to pay attention to the body, and not get the signals crossed with that evil shit that hangs out in your brain, trying to send it’s own set of signals. “Run more miles, run them faster, lift more weight, do it everyday of the week!” When those start coming through, stop and question them. Take a moment and really evaluate what’s going on with the body. Are you tired, like really tired, to the point of fatigue? Does everything in your body hurt and you just don’t want to move? Yeah, those are the moments you need to derail that evil shit and get things back in order.

I was recently chatting with my dietician about my body. Where I’m at on my weight, how I feel etc. She put things into perspective when I was stressing about the numbers on the scale. “Robert, in order to perform at the level that you expect your body to perform, you’re going to have to be at a certain weight. You can’t be completely shredded down to nothing, and think that you’ll perform your best…that’s just not how it works. Professional athletes set time aside to rest, eat more calories and just be, in order to perform at the highest level when the time comes”. Wow…she’s right, and a wonderful voice of reason. She also commented on my falling asleep in the chair, in my work clothes, with my phone in hand. She said, “I think that’s a big wake up call from your body saying dial it down”. Yes, “dial it down”. That’s exactly what I did, and the results were immediate. My time in the gym became more productive, my runs were quicker and heart rate was more efficient. I decided to be gentle with myself. Yes, I know I talk about pushing the limits, and I still do. I also found that resting, stretching, getting enough fluids, and just taking time away from my training puts my body back into balance, and then the performance takes off!

Like I said, the body is an amazing machine and it knows what needs to happen. “Trust the process”. The process is to eat well, (feed the machine), get rest, drink plenty of water, and take a day or two off. You can still make it an active day off and go for a nice walk, or a slow paced bike ride. Take the time to breath! The end result is you’ll be happier and your body will pay you back in spades! Oh, and the evil shit sending all the noise, well, the noise still comes, but you know who to listen to and what to do now. Just shut the noise down.

Whatever you’re going through, and wherever you need to be, your body will get you there, just remember to be gentle when it begs for a break. This my friends is a true story!

I’ll see you on the road…

Zombie

Who are you when no one is watching?

/ Zombie / 1 Comment

I suppose we all have it. That certain someone that we all wish we were, or superhero that we wanted to be as a kid growing up. So many of us grew up in the days of comic books and Marvel characters. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and so on. So many days of running about the neighborhoods imagining you had super powers! Oh how cool that would be! The things you could do and just the ideas of what you could do were endless.

Fast forward to present day. Comic books have kind of slid from mainstream, but the desire to be something “special” never left. Those super powers, well, you may not be able to pick up vehicles or fly through the sky, but the amazing things that you can do are there. Sometimes untapped, waiting. Waiting for you to release them. So I’ll ask, who are you when no one is watching? Hold that thought, we’ll get back to it.

I wake at pre-dawn hours when I have to work a day shift at my job. I know that if I don’t set that crazy early alarm (3:00 a.m.) I probably won’t get my workout in for the day. I’ve found over the years that I’m a very slow starting when I wake. I need ample time to just get right with the world before I can actually perform. Whether it’s a gym day, or I’m hitting the road, I need a minute to get my brain together. Once I’m out the door, it all comes together though. These are the moments that no one sees. The dark room, the warm bed and perhaps like me, the snoring pups! These are the things that I have to part from in order to get my training done. There’s no easy way to do it, and it’s hard to do every single time. I can think of a million excuses to stay in that bed, and only one to climb out. The climb out usually wins.

When I’m at the gym, moving the weight, “picking up the heavy shit” as my sis and I like to call it, I’m sweating, talking myself through tough sets and pushing my body to the limit. No ones watching, no one cares what you had to go through to reach the doors. They all had to do similar things to reach this same point.

Running down the road at 4 a.m. with not a soul around. Street lights glimmer and lead your way through a deserted city. It’s kind of post apocalyptic on some mornings…lol! There’s a certain kind of beauty to it though. No fear of what’s out there, just the peaceful sound of your cadence as you move along through the dark. No one is watching, no one is wondering who you are or why you’re out there.

I believe that I’m my own superhero now that I’m grown. I have my own super powers that I unleash when the time is right. I’ve found that in order to be that superhero we dreamt of being, we must first put in the work. Do the hard things, the uncomfortable things. We need to push our body and mind to it’s limit. I swear there are moments that I couldn’t take another step, or push out one more rep, yet it happened. I moved through that moment and became the superhero that has always been there, waiting. I’ve learned that the best work is done without fanfare, usually in the shadows, and alone.

So, who are you when no one is watching? I see a superhero in everyone! You don’t need to be in a gym or wandering the streets predawn like I do to find it within yourself. Just unlock your hidden potentials, set that hero free! Do the hard things, the uncomfortable things, and it will pay off in the end. Whether it’s taking on a new job, or position. Perhaps going back to school or raising a child. Do the work, don’t look for others to be watching. A superhero doesn’t need such things. They just do what needs to be done.

If you’re wondering why this topic, it was residual from yet another conversation I had recently. These topics have a way of sitting in my brain until I’m ready to act on them. I just wanted to provoke thought by using something from most of our childhood. I wanted to let people know that I struggle each day, and finding a way to get things done is hard some times, but I get it done. Do the hard things, the uncomfortable things, and hold onto the superhero that lives inside of you.

I’ll see you on the road…

Zombie

I See You

/ Zombie / 2 Comments

I love to get on my blog and just hammer away on the keyboard in hopes of perhaps making a change in someone, to touch, or inspire. Yes, I love talking about my running and upcoming races, but I also feel the need to touch on subjects about life.

A friend of mine reached out recently after my last blog posting to share some of her feelings. She wanted me to know that she enjoyed my writing and wished, so much that she could go out and enjoy the same feelings that I do on a run. She’d even stated that she would love to be able to just walk a 10K. You see, my friend Dawn is fighting several different diseases that affect her on a daily basis. She said, “Each day I wake up, I just wait to see what will happen next”

This strikes a cord with me. This is also why I stay humble in what I’m doing. “We don’t have to run, we get to run”. That says it right there. Running is a gift, one that should never be taken for granted. I find that when I run, and think about the many people that can’t enjoy the sport that has changed my life, it drives me even more. I want to carry them with me, on each and every run! I want them to have the feelings that I do, or perhaps see some of the beauty that I’ve witnessed out on the road. Hazy sunrises in the park, or huge green pastures with the most adorable cows running along with me! Star filled skies in the middle of the night, and all of God’s creatures, great and small, have at some point, crossed my path.

I think that perhaps I’ve carried on with my RunZombieRun theme all these years because this is my way of bringing a piece of my world to all of them. To Dawn and all of the many out there that struggle, “I See You!” I see you every time I lace up, every time I type out a new blog posting, or sign up for an event. You all are what make this so special.

“Run with purpose.” I find that running with a purpose makes the distance that much sweeter. It makes it about more than just about myself. I have been gifted the responsibility to see others, and to care. It’s something that I cherish…always. I’ll be running for my friend Dawn in the upcoming Toledo River Run on July 1st. I’ll carry her name with me so that she will know she matters, that I see her, that I hear her while I’m on the course. It’s important that we recognize everyone, and understand the struggles that others go through just to get up in the morning. I want this event to be dedicated to my friend Dawn. I’ll be passing on the finisher’s medal to her once I’ve completed the race because she’s the true warrior. She deserves to be recognized. Yeah, I see you Dawn, and I’m honored to lace up for you this July 1st. Thanks for being my friend all of these years, and for never giving up! I see you my friend.

I’ll see you on the road…

Zombie

“Why do you run?”

/ Zombie / Leave a comment

“Why do you run?” This is one of many questions that I field on a regular basis. My initial response is usually with humor, “why don’t you run?” I thought that I’d review the age old question and take you back to when it all began. This will save those who don’t know my beginnings from digging through tons of blog entries…lol! We’ll just call it a “review” of sorts.

Interestingly enough, I started running in this very month (June) of 1985! We’re talking 38 years of roaming park trails and roads, both here locally and across the country. If I see a spot, or a road that just makes me want to throw my shoes on, well, that’s exactly what I do! Anyway, I was never much of a runner in the early part of my life. I participated in several sports growing up and of course you “had to” run, whether it was for conditioning or paying the price for missing a tackle, running was a part of all of that. I always muttered to myself if I had to do laps. It’s safe to say that I was not a fan of long distance running back then.

Many things went on in my young life, but we’ll skate past those, as they’re a conversation that can just be for now. Once I graduated high school, I felt lost. Searching for meaning to my life and unsure what I was going to do with myself. It was probably at the lowest point, that I got into my car and went out to the local Metropark (Pearson park). I decided I’d take a walk and ponder my existence in the world. I found myself somewhat sucked into nature. The park was such a freeing place to be and I was enjoying the walk. I then got the great idea to give running a shot. That wasn’t the best feeling in the world…lol! I stopped running and switched back to my walk and finshed the 3 mile loop. When I returned home, I felt compelled to keep trying the running. While it hurt, it seemed to jar something in me and made me want to give it another go. I returned to the park everyday that week, and started working on my running skills slowly. I’d attempt going a little bit further each time I went. “I’ll go from this tree to the tree up around the bend”, I’d tell myself, and so on. I’ll tell you that by the end of that Summer of 1985 I was not only going around the 3 mile loop once, but twice! I’d dropped weight, felt confident, and all of a sudden felt like I could accomplish just about anything. I’d taken something that I felt was torture, and made it my best friend. It’s a very true statement that running saved my life.

Next Wednesday, June 7th is Global Running day/National Running day, whatever works for you. This is something I was never aware of back in 1985 when I hit the trails and started my adventure. Now, I celebrate it like it’s my Birthday! My Rebirth if you will! The month that I became alive, and full of possibilities. Now back to that “why do you run?” I think that I’ve set up the ground work with my beginnings, but there are other reasons that I lace up on almost a daily basis. I run to clear my head of anything negative in my world. I run to make my body feel alive, to kind of become one with everything that’s around me. I know, it sounds kind of silly, yet it’s true. I’m never more at peace than when I’m in my running shoes, going down the road. “Are you running away from something?” It’s not running away from something, it’s just finding peace, perhaps an inner peace. I can go out with a head full of my job, or a rough conversation that I had with a friend or co-worker, and all of that just floats away as the miles go by.

I share this part of me because I think that it’s important. I always want to share what I’ve learned and the zen that I’ve found from running. The difference that it’s brought into my life just by changing my mindset. The feeling that I can accomplish anything, be anything, and be a happy human being. I want anyone and everyone to know that even when you have the darkest days in your past, or present. There’s a tool available. “The road is a great listener.” I love to share that with people. It wants to know your pain and show you that there can be a better tomorrow. It wants to clear your head and make you feel whole again, and it wants you to find happiness. I challenge anyone to go out, lace up and give running, or walking a serious try. Take this month, hell start on June 7th and join the globe as we all lace up and go on an adventure. Allow yourself some time in the day to breathe. I promise you, it will give you everything you need, just as it did for me. “Running never takes more than it gives back.”

I sit here typing this with great fury…lol! It’s something that I wanted to get out today. I wanted the people in, or around my life to really understand what this whole running thing is about. It’s not just running races, no, it’s much more than that. I’d say that my response now would be, “I run because it’s who I am, it’s who I want to be, it’s everything!” Don’t you want that in your life too? Don’t you want to feel cleansed from a hard day, or a tough childhood? I think the answer is yes, on all counts.

Wednesday, June 7th, 2023 is a great day to start a new you. If you want a friend to hop along with you, I’ll put myself out there. You never have to be scared to say you’d like a friend to come and assist you in changing your life. I’m always down for a run…fast, or slow, I’m down…it’s just who I am.

Thanks for the listen and as always…

I’ll see you on the road!

Zombie

Next Level Athlete

/ Zombie / 1 Comment

Hey there everyone! In this blog entry I’m going to go over what I like to refer to as the “Next level athlete.” On one of my many walkabouts through the city, I was thinking about being an aging athlete, how I feel, what keeps me motivated and what makes me still competitive. So I’ve coined the phrase “next level athlete” rather than referring to myself as aging athlete…lol! There’s another reason for this term, the fire that burns inside of me, and many other “aging” athletes.

Once again, while having a discussion with my Ironman teammate, and friend Tim, who as I stated in my previous blog entry is a 69 year old multi-time finisher of Ironman competitions, we decided that our drive has not wavered as we’ve aged. We also feel as though now that we’re older, we have something to prove to the younger athletes that are out there…we’re still a threat on race day! Whether it’s in the gym lifting heavy shit, walking at a pace that some people run at, or riding a bike for hours on end, we strive to be the best! Why you ask? I think because we feel that we have a small chip on our shoulders. Just because we’re silver haired, doesn’t mean we can’t compete. I think back to when I was a kid and wished for the day when I’d have gray/silver hair so that I’d gain more respect, and not be looked upon as just a kid. What I found out is that the silver hair didn’t bring what I thought it would, but that kid is still raging inside…lol!

Now I don’t want you all to think that it’s all about competition, that’s a part of it. It’s also about the drive to work through the daily things that come with this aging body. The extra effort that has to be put in to keep everything moving. More stretching, closer tabs on the diet, even naps are required at times now. I don’t want to say that we work harder than the younger ones, but we have to be smarter. More has to be put into our effort to achieve what we once achieved 30 or 40 years ago. I’ve even taken up things that I never thought I would. I hired a dietician, started going to yoga classes, and have even switched away to walking, rather than running every day. All of these things matter and become important as time goes by. I want to keep the body moving, and never quit!

I find myself constantly thinking of ways to bring about change to my body, for the better of course. It’s all too easy to fall into the world of “just don’t do it.” Keeping active and even signing up for challenges are key to motivation for me. I like to have short and long term goals. I need that instant gratification, so it can be as silly as signing up for small goals on my Garmin device. When I achieve that goal, my watch does some cute little Star Wars themed things that just make me snicker. Yes, I’m a Star Wars nerd and yes, I’m still that raging kid inside. I also like to sign up for running events, all distances. Some of which I walk rather than run. I do it because it keeps my need to compete satisfied and again, I’m still moving!

So when you see my hashtag #nextlevelathlete, you’ll truly understand what I’m referring to, and perhaps if you fall into the category of an aging athlete, switch that up and become a “Next Level Athlete” along with us! Be proud of the fact you’ve made it this far in life because as my sister always says “getting old ain’t for the weak!” Find that fire inside and harness it! Whatever it is that will keep you moving will surely make you feel better and who knows, you just may find the beast that’s been inside of you the entire time, and crush goals that you set for yourself.

Ironman Ohio is coming on the third weekend in July. I think it’s safe to say that Tim and I will show up on race day and give the young folks a “run” for their money! We do what we do because we both love our sports, but we are also driven athletes. Don’t let the silver hair fool you, beast mode will be engaged on that day in July…you can count on it!

With that, I’ll sign off! I want to thank everyone for checking in on me, sending positive vibes and constantly being my cheerleaders. Doing these blog entries has also kept me fired up. I love to share what’s going on and hopefully inspire others to take charge of their lives and move more. Find happiness in themselves. Come on and join in the fun, be your own Next Level Athlete!

I’ll see you on the road!

Zombie