STAY TRUE…

These very words are tattooed directly on my knuckles. It’s a reminder that regardless of what the world throws at me, I need to remember who I am. I attempted to conceal everything about me when I was young. Mostly for protection of myself and others, but I was lost. The real me was trapped inside a world that didn’t want truth. It didn’t want me to stay true to the boy that was buried inside of me. All that was required was for me to perform at a level that pleased others. Put on the face of deceit and do as instructed. Being true was something that was only thought about from time to time. Once again it was looked upon as a form of weakness. To divulge your true self was not an option.

I sit and stare at my hands at times. I watch all of the lines that have developed over the years. The colors that have forged into my skin as time as gone by. The artwork of a gifted artist streaks across my hands and fingers. The precision and skill that was used to gift me with reminders of days gone by. They are also reminders to never let myself slip away. To be present in my day, in my moment. Colors that bring back memories, both good and bad. The skull that tells me that I escaped death numerous times already. The rose that shows promise for what I hope to achieve. “Just Run” is on the side of my hand. It reminds me that when everything else fails me, I need to just run. My savior, my safe place, and my guiding force came from running.

More inked skin can be seen over a good portion of my body. Some is spelled out for all to see and understand. Others are set in symbolism. A few of the latest are also reminders of my past. Things that I have overcome. Things that have given me my power back. All the feelings that I held inside for so long are now pouring out. I wear my emotions, fears and victories on my skin. Some of my tattoos are strictly on me for protection. Chasing away the demons that stalk me. I have a semicolon placed on my leg now.

“A semicolon tattoo symbolizes hope and resilience in the face of mental health challenges. It represents a pause in a sentence. The story isn’t over. This meaning resonates deeply with individuals who have struggled with issues like depression, anxiety, or addiction. This tattoo serves as a reminder of survival and the importance of continuing one’s journey despite hardships“

I decided years ago to take my life back. I may have paused, had my struggles with mental health and suffered hardships, but I’m still here. Close by the semicolon tattoo is the word “Survivor.” This one speaks to me each time a look down at it. Truly reminds me of everything that I’ve been through and at every turn, I survived. I never stopped pushing. Never stopped wanting better for myself and my family. Never stopped seeking the help that I so desperately needed. As you look further down my leg you’ll find the wolf, with two different faces. The darker side, and the one of light. Just above the faces is says “The one I feed.” I can choose to feed the darker wolf and go down the path of darkness. I can also choose to feed the wolf of light, happiness, and truth. I’ve fed them both at times.

I was asked recently to one day tell what all of my tattoos are about. These are just a few that cover my skin. Each is special to me and a part of my soul. It may seem strange, but I take my ink therapy seriously. I still remember my sister at one point saying “why don’t you put something happier on your skin?” It made me chuckle inside. She never really knew everything about me, because it was hidden away. There are glimpses of happiness on me. The beautiful owl that resides on my forearm is my bride, Karla. Same color eyes as her, wearing glasses, and a key slot in her chest. Elsewhere you’ll find the skeleton key that fits. The key to her heart.

I’ve often thought about having photos taken of my tattoos. I’d prefer them to be done in black and white, and perhaps add them to the pages of my book. My tattoo journey is not done yet, nor is my book. I’ll find my way to the finish. I’d like to circle back now to my original words, stay true. Since breaking free, I’ve learned to stay true in all aspects of my life. I want to present myself as a beacon of hope, strength, and perhaps wisdom. Staying true to both faces of the wolf I spoke of. There is a darkness within me, but I’ve learned how it can and has served me. I don’t allow it to overcome who I am, but to embrace it’s service. Living the life that I always promised myself I would. Free from control, serious danger, and those that would harm me. Free to love the one I chose, and know that she’ll be safe by my side. Free to speak about everything that I’ve been through with a level of pride. I survived.

I say all of this because I want the same for all of you. Speak your truth. Stay true to yourself, and never let anyone sway you from it. I believe that I’ve referred to your voice as your truth before. It’s so powerful. Protect it, nurture it, let it grow and shine. I’m not saying that you should all go out and get tattooed…lol! I am saying I want you to live, and do so freely. While I went for my long walk today I just allowed myself to be. To look at my aging hands and know that wherever I roam, I’m truly free. I’ve learned to stay true…to me.

Thank you for following along on my journey.

~Robert~