I recently had a request to discuss friendship. (Thanks Sherie) It’s been a couple of weeks since the request and I think that I’m ready to do a deep dive into it. Friendship is something that I take pretty seriously. Even at a young age I was critical about my choices of who I wanted to spend my time with. There were always a few out lying “hanger-ons” that were in with the same group I spent time with, but that didn’t mean that we were “friends.” Although I enjoyed the group that I ran around with in High School, the bonds were not such that I maintained a relationship as life progressed. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t like them, it just means that our time was done.

“Friend” is someone you have a deep, personal connection with, sharing trust, loyalty, and significant life experiences with. An “Acquaintance” is someone you know casually, with limited interaction and a more superficial relationship, often only sharing basic information about one’s self. I believe this is the best description of the two that I could find. As I stated in my one of my previous blog entries, I have my own way of assessing people that are around me. Once I have an idea of who and what they are, I may allow them to gain closer access to me. I think we can all agree that I’m this way for very obvious reasons. If you follow my blogs, then you totally understand why I’m so guarded. I’ve had discussions with people over the years about the difference in friendship and acquaintances, and it has brought about some interesting conversations, some of which were slightly heated. I’ve been accused of not “valuing” people. I’ve also been told that “I’m nothing special, so why do I act like I’m all that?” That comment makes me snicker when I think about it now. No, I’m nothing special, but I do have barriers set up to keep people that make comments like that very far away from me. As for valuing people, I actually do. So much so that once I’ve made a solid connection with a person, I’m fiercely loyal and protective of them. Just because I don’t feel the need to have a few dozen people around as “friends” doesn’t mean that I’m lacking.

I have some true friends that have stood the test of time. There are some, that for whatever reason, we maintain a close connection even though we may not speak for months at a time. There are also some that are thousands of miles away that have been around since my childhood, know much of my life and still keep in touch regularly. I have my sisters, while considered siblings, are very much best friends to me as well. They love and support me at every turn, and I do the same for them. My wife, Karla is still my best friend. While she may not always understand me, she allows me to be myself. There are times when I feel like we’re worlds apart and that she’ll never understand me, but we always seem to find a bridge that connects our worlds. I hope that that never stops. Extended family. When I married Karla, I got a whole new fresh set of people in my life. I’ve found them to be genuine, caring, and thoughtful people. Not something that I was used to growing up. There were a few, but the qualities that these people have makes you want to be around them. Shout out to my “friend” in the family Cristi. Cristi is my sister-in-law and has the kind of vibe that makes people gravitate towards her. She’s “real” and you can feel it. She listens to me and gives great feedback on my blog postings…lol! Her daughters, Kate and Chloe are the kind of humans that give me hope for the world. I’m honored to have these people in my life. See, I really do value people!

There are people at work that I enjoy having conversations with. We share much of our lives and explore all of the frustrations that come from our work place. There’s a certain level of trust that comes into play in these types of environments. In so many work places there are people that are always looking to get a leg up and at any cost. Again, most are pretty easy to spot and keep in check. This is one of the areas that makes me grateful for the past that I’ve lived. I’m accustomed to watching and assessing people, and I do just that in my own work place. The body armor is always in place and I’m forever watching. While I treasure relationships that I’ve had in work places in the past, no one has stood the test of time. Once I’ve left the place of employment, the people that were a part of it become a distant memory. Remember the poem “Reason, Season, and Lifetime.” They were all part of a reason, or season, the lifetime are the ones that I spoke of above. There’s always the possibility that someone could end up in the lifetime from a work place. There is currently a single person that has stayed as a close friend from my current employer. Although she’s moved on to another job, we still have that friendship that can pick up right where it left off. She too reads this blog and we’ve shared some amazing discussions. You know who you are…lol!

How do you assess people that are in your orbit? What is the criteria that allows someone to find their way into the “circle of trust?” I do have the ability to gain new “friends.” I recently became good friends with my former yoga instructor. Who would’ve thought…right? She too has that “it” about her. When she speaks, you want to listen. For me, that’s huge. I’ve never felt threatened in any fashion by her and we both have developed a level of trust that makes it easy to discuss anything. What is it that you seek in a friend? Do you have the same types of walls that I’ve put up over time that keep so many from ever getting close to you? I’ll be honest, had it not been for my amazing counselor, I don’t think that I would’ve been able to forge new relationships at this stage of my life. There are so many that I feel nothing towards and can barely remember their name. I know, that sounds horrible, but it’s honest. The life that I’ve lived has made me what I am, like me or cast me aside.

Focus on this topic and have discussions with those around you. Share life events, or feelings with those you trust. Work on building strong bonds with the ones that you feel are worth the time. There are still good people out there. Take it from someone that had always believed that most people are shit. If I can find a way to form friendships, I know that you can to. The payoff vs risk is worth it, in the eyes of Zombie.

I’ve added the poem Reasons, Seasons and Lifetime below if you missed it before.

Thanks for following along,

~Robert~

People come into your life for a reason,
A season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will
Know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a
REASON, it is usually to meet a
Need you have expressed. They have come to
assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you
physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to
be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part or at and inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they
act up and force you to take a stand. What
we must realize is that our need has been
met, our desire fulfilled, their wake is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a
SEASON, because your turn has come to
share, grow or learn. They bring you an
experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable
amount of joy. Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and
put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is
blind but friendship is clairvoyant.