I sit and gaze across the landscape. It’s a country that I no longer recognize. I find my thoughts wandering. How did it get this way? Where did we go so wrong? The creeping death that roams the streets of cities and states. Hatred of others has become the anthem of the day. Care and compassion are looked upon as signs of weakness and have no place in this new world order. Cruelty is served up on a daily platter of shame, and no one seems to care.

I find myself being drawn back into the place I came from. One of safety and familiarity. The old me, the Zombie that feels nothing. Conversations with others around me only feed this desire. They laugh and joke about other humans being harmed. Humans being dragged away losing everything. Everything that was important to them means nothing to the ones it doesn’t “personally” affect. They celebrate the separation of humans who don’t look like them, or speak like them. They look at them as though they’re not humans and have no value. I’ve seen this play before and there is no happy ending to it.

The underworld is a place that was not meant to see the light of day. The people who roam in it feed on others like wolves stalking their prey. They see others as “less than”, weak, vulnerable and easy marks. I’ve sat at the table with those who would smile at harm coming to you. I’ve watched actions taken that should frighten anyone. I know how these people operate and we now have this same thing playing out before our very eyes. No longer are they being pushed below the surface. They’re allowed to harm in full view of the public. Where does this lead? Ask yourself, when they’ve finished with whatever the latest targets are, who do they come for next? If you feel that you’re safe, you’ve just set yourself up for the biggest mistake of your life.

I’ve stated before that I’ve seen humans at their very best, and also at their very worst. I struggle now to see humans being kind. Perhaps my view is different. The eyes of Zombie are always watching and see many things that others look past. The desire to adjust my view, my thinking is still there. I want this to all just be a nightmare that I can wake up from and feel good again. I want to set my armor down and walk without pain again. I’m so tired and I don’t want to see this play over again. To have to put my feelings aside and find a way to survive. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be that person ever again, yet here we are.

It’s not dramatic to state these feelings, it’s real. You need nothing more than to walk outside of your door, it’s now all around you. Walking today gave me time to try to push this sadness aside. Attempt to adjust focus and see good in the world. I was grasping for anything. Waiting for a sign to float gently before me and lift me back up. I’m still searching, hoping, praying.

I’ll do what I need to do to keep moving. My desire to live and thrive has helped me to get this far in my life. I won’t quit…I can’t. I honestly don’t think that I know how. Tomorrow will come and perhaps another chance to make things right again. Another chance to right this ship and keep it from going over. “Hold Fast” as the sailors of yesteryear would say. Hold fast to everything that you care about. Hold your desire for a better world and a place that you can be proud of. Most importantly, hold onto the ones who mean the most to you…now more than ever. I’ll do all of this and attempt to hold onto my sanity along the way.

“God willing and the creek don’t rise” is one approach we can take. I like “It’s all about finding calm in the chaos.” (Donna Karan) My search continues. Be well my friends.

Thanks for following along on my journey.

~Zombie~