On a brisk fall morning I decided to get out and take a walk. What better way to clear my head and work on getting myself into better physical condition. Today I decided to venture to the place where it all began for me; Pearson Park. This park has some kind of hidden magic and we have a history together. When I’m not feeling quite right or the world seems hopeless, I seek refuge here. This was a day that I needed it.

While I’ve been struggling and working on some of my darker issues, I’ve also struggled physically. I’ve been plagued with back issues for years. They seem to want my full attention lately and that makes my life go out of balance even further. Exercise, especially my walking/running have been my go to for some 40 years now. I woke this morning and didn’t feel the serious sting in my lower back. So I got myself together and hit the road. My route would include the park that I started my journey back to health. I walked through the gates of Pearson park and felt a spiritual oneness. This was the park where I arrived in the Summer of 1985. During that time, I thought my life had no direction. I felt useless in the world. I was doing my best to break free from the underworld I’d grown accustom to. The weight of hiding my dark secret for so many years had come to roost. Experiencing relationships, and being around people that had a warm spirit had made me desire something better. I just didn’t know how to reach it.

My first steps in the park had me beginning to ponder my life. Thinking of what I’d been through. Thinking of all the wrong that I’d done. I tried my best to see a future, but what did I have to offer the world? Who would want some dried up drug runner in a legit business? I didn’t have the money for college, and I wasn’t sure that I had the desire to even go. I found as I was thinking, my pace began to quicken. It was as though each step was causing something to happen within me. I began looking around and taking in the scenery. I suddenly discovered the beauty of trees, grass, and small creatures for the first time. What was going on? Before I knew it, I’d gone around the entire 3 mile loop and was standing at my car again. I felt a little better. I felt as though the trees were listening to my thoughts and helping me to sort things out. I was so caught up in it that I decided I’d come back the next day.

My return to the park felt different this time. I started to feel like there was something more I needed to do. I started out my walk and began studying the trees on the trail. I decided to start to run from one particular tree to another. Suddenly I felt more weight lifted from my shoulders. My breathing was faster and uneven, but I felt good. Sweat began to run down my face. It was a feeling of release. With each step, each bead of sweat that rolled, my problems began to lessen. I felt a tear beginning in the corner of my eye. I can’t cry, I thought. What the hell was that about. There’s no crying in my world. Again, I returned to my car and just stood there this time. Staring at the park wondering what this connection was. I’d come here the day before thinking that if things continued on the same course, I’d be dead soon. Either by the hands of someone in the underworld, or by my own doing. Now I was standing here as though the forest was speaking to me. This went on through that Summer of 1985 and beyond. The magic that I found on those trails, and the feelings that I discovered within myself were life changing. I’d gone from hopeless to hopeful. Not just hopeful, but confident. I was driven to make it in life. I’d managed to survive everything up to this point. There had to be more.

On today’s walk, it was a celebration of 40 years of running/walking. It was a celebration of my life. I’m still here. I came back to this park today to take steps through time. To see all the things in the same fashion that I did so many years ago. To walk on those same trails and feel each bead of sweat. To make the world slow to a crawl and just let me know that everything will be alright again. I’ve always gone to the road to release my pain. To let all of the stress that life throws at you just leave your body. This park knows me. It knows all of my struggles. On this day, when the tears began to build in my eyes, I let them flow. I’ve learned that there’s no shame in letting my feelings free. To be so relieved by nature is a moving thing, and should be celebrated. To leave a part of me there years back, and then revisit again today, was moving. I stopped in the very lot that I stood in that Summer and said thank you. Thank you for helping me find my way. For sharing my life events on so many occasions. I’ve shared those very trails with everyone that I love. I shared an entire Summer in that park with my sister Gini who has passed on now. So many memories to cherish. So many good times. This park is where I met my wife Karla for the very first time. We shared a run together in a rain storm. I knew on that day that she was special. The park smiled upon us as we laughed and smiled together. I’ll tell you that we still go through the park together to this very day.

I think that it goes without saying that today has been an emotional day. Starting out with those feelings of hopelessness for the world. Wondering how life is going to turn out for us humans. Wishing for sanity to come about and for everyone to be at peace. Taking those steps through time made me understand that I’d been down that road before, and I prevailed. The road, and my park listened to my worries, my sorrows, and my prayers. I was reminded that I’m a survivor. I was told to look beyond myself and see the beauty that it had to show me. To see the Fall colors beginning. To hear the crackling of the dried leaves beneath my feet. To see the squirrels running about searching for Winter food to store. Open my eyes to all the possibilities.

I’ve told people a couple of things for 40+ years now. The first is that running saved my life. The other is that with running, all things are possible. While I don’t run so much anymore. I still go out and walk as much and as fast as I possibly can. I’ve never forgotten my old friend (Pearson Park). It holds a certain kind of magic. If you’re willing, it’ll speak to you as well. If you’re in need, seek nature. In times of feeling lost and disconnected, I find myself seeing things through the Eyes of Zombie. I just need to walk through the gates of my park. It’s there to welcome me. To remind me who I am and that everything really is possible. You just need to stop and open your eyes. To listen to the whispers in the air. Today the park showed up big for me. It reached inside of my heart and welcomed me back. Showed me everything that I’ve accomplished. Showed me so much happiness that we’ve shared over the years. For the time I spent in that park today, I’m grateful. Grateful for the bond that we share, and for the wisdom that it has shown me. Today was truly steps through time with a dear friend.

Thank you for following along on my journey.

~Robert~