I felt the need to delve into a couple topics that I think most can relate to: truth telling, and personal accountability. My view of these topics was built primarily by two influential people. One was my father and the other was his friend who became my boss. This boss was also an underworld figure. The interactions I had with each of them formed my thinking about lying and being accountable. I had a front row seat to what happens when you’re not truthful. Let’s take a look, shall we?

From a very young age it was impressed upon my siblings and I to be truthful when asked about something. My father had a look about him that made you want to be honest. I guess you could call it a healthy fear of the unknown. When questioned about anything it was usually followed up with “if you lie to me, the consequences will be far worse than if you just tell the truth.” His other catch phrase was “if you lie to me, I’ll find out the truth and then you’ll be sorry.” Both of these statements came with serious weight. A young mind is formed by these types of threats. When I wanted to be dishonest in hopes of steering clear of punishment, I always remembered what he said. I can tell you that it wasn’t just a threat, I attempted to skirt the truth on several occasions and he was a man of his word; the punishment was harsh.

Now let’s bring in the friend of my father’s: the underworld figure. The man who guided me through some of the worst shit in my life. He too took the approach of “you’d better never lie to me when I ask you a question.” He also didn’t want to hear excuses for anything. Excuses were met with hostility. I learned that saying the wrong thing brought quick smacks to the head. They were quick, but came with enough force to move your whole body in the direction the head smack pushed you. The lying part was something that I never wanted to face. He made it clear that being truthful was in my best interest if I wished to stay alive.

When I talk about it now, it still sends a shiver down my spine. To think that I lived through this is almost unimaginable. To talk about it is both cleansing and terrifying. When I hear a child telling a small fib or lying about what they’ve done, it brings all of this screaming back. I cringe and think to myself, “NO, don’t tell a lie, you don’t know how bad this is going to be.” When truthfully, children tell fibs all the time and most learn in a healthier fashion that they shouldn’t do so. I have to remember that it’s not the same world I came from. They won’t suffer the same abuse, nor will there be the threat of disappearing. This too is part of the “not seeing things” that I need to work on. Sometimes I just need to put the blinders on and let things be. I’m working on it.

All of this being said, I look at this way of life that I lived as both a curse, and a blessing. The way in which I learned not to lie was ugly to say the least, but it’s formed an ability to both seek truth and speak it. There are no longer threats tied to what I say, but I’m unable to lie. I also believe in “owning my shit.” This means that if I do something that is wrong, I don’t push it towards someone else. I don’t look for a way to avoid whatever may come with the mistake, I simply say “yep, I did that.” Now, the unfortunate part of this is that I have to watch others do the opposite and that group seems to be growing. What makes someone think it’s alright to sidestep responsibility? Why does it seem that so many find it so easy to attempt to lie? I say attempt because when they cross paths with someone like me, I usually see through it. Some people are just the absolute worst liars. If you pay close attention when someone is being untruthful, there will usually be a sign. It’s my belief that we’re wired to want to tell the truth and when we fight that, there’s something in our physical make up that rejects the lie. A twitch, a stutter of words, or the inability to look you in the eye. People want to tell you the truth, and they will, even if it doesn’t come from their mouths.

Personal accountability is something that has been in numerous discussions of late. When humans go out into the world and do things that put them in harm’s way, there has to be some level of accountability on their part. Again, we all make mistakes, we all do dumb things. Rather than accepting that reality it seems that there are those in the world who insist it must be someone else’s fault. (I could go on about lawyers right here, but we’ll save that for another blog.) When you deal with humans the first thing you have to remember is that we’re imperfect. Mistakes are bound to happen. So, I guess the question is, at what point is someone responsible for their own actions? Say, for example, that I get up late for work and think I can still make it on time if I speed all the way there, but then get caught by a train. If I choose not to accept accountability, it now becomes the train’s fault. The blame has shifted from the original sin over to a party that had absolutely nothing to do with my not getting out of bed in time for work. I could give many different scenarios like this, but I think you get the point. Is it now passed on, or taught to be deceptive? Shift the blame for the sake of shifting the blame? If so, how did this happen? While my way of learning was to the extreme, there has to be a way to make sure that the traits that I’ve learned are passed on. Again, I see this desire to be less than truthful on a daily basis, and it’s alarming to me.

Some of you might read this and think; “that’s a pretty intense way to look at things.” I might agree with that statement which is why I give my back story. Yet I think there is work to be done in our society as a whole. Isn’t it better for the soul to be truthful? Isn’t it a better society if we all take accountability for our own actions? Will mistakes be made? Of course, we’re human. The difference is that we’re not lying, or shifting blame to areas that it doesn’t belong. I speak of the blurred line all the time and this is an area that really shouldn’t be blurred. “If you did it, own it and move on.” Unlike the punishment that awaited me if I didn’t tell the truth, we can move through mistakes and teach in a more positive fashion.

I was hoping that this purge would be thought provoking today. It’s one of the hundreds of topics that’s resided in my head waiting to hit the keyboard. I say all the time that the universe has a way of telling me when it’s time to pull a topic off the shelf. With so much uncertainty in the world and lying being so prevalent. Perhaps we should look for better ways. Look for better people to align ourselves with. Look for ways to tell the truth and be alright with what might come with that…good, or bad. This is all part of my seeking peace. I can live a cleaner life knowing that I have nothing to hide. I can be honest and feel good about it. I guess it’s just something that I wish for others to achieve. Peace comes with clarity, and clarity comes with truth.

Thank you so much for following along on my journey thorugh this life.

~Robert/Zombie~